I am still exactly where I was when I posted this months ago. Still scared. Still guilty. Still lost. Still in an incredibly unhappy marriage. He plays sport 3 nights a week and gets mad at me if I want to socialise with friends the nights he IS home. He gets jealous of my friends andeven my FAMILY. We have had sex once since July last year which lasted for maybe a minute and I got absolutely no pleasure from. We fight and sleep in separate rooms more often than not. I don’t know why the hell we are still here and I feel like a pathetic excuse for a lerson.

Anita – I never replied to your last post. When my parents separated I was 12. My dad used to cry all over me and tell me how much he was hurting which made me feel like his pain was mine to fix.

Rereading my original post from months ago makes me so sad because I know my life is being wasted for no good reason.

A few days ago I told my husband I was unhappy and wanted to be alone for a while. He had a total emotional breakdown and told me that he can’t live without me, he was going to be alone for the rest of his life and begged me not to leave him. He laid in bed and cried all over me all night and in the morning I had a mega overwhelming case of the guilts. I caved and told him I will give it a few more months but already I am doubting. I know this makes me seem very selfish but it broke my heart to see him so upset and desperate. I don’t know what to do. I am so mad at myself for giving in again but I am so tired of the indecision I feel and I have no idea what to do now or how to be strong enough to stick to my guns if I ultimately decide to leave.

Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply.

I appreciate everyone’s responses. What triggers my guilt is that I feel responsible for his happiness. I sometimes worry about his mental health, he has told me before that he can’t live without me and I just don’t know how he would cope if I wasn’t in his life anymore. I feel like he relies on me heavily to be his support system when he feels like he needs me, at other times its like I dont exist. I feel that by leaving him that I will ruin his future although I feel the future we have together is a miserable one. We used to just enjoy each others company but now our interests are polar opposites – I dont mind having different interests but its like we have lost interest in each others lives. He is like talking to a brick wall, he forgets everything I tell him, he has no idea what my work schedule is, he FORGOT that my grandfather passed away a couple of years ago. It makes me feel like I am not important enough for him to remember that I am here and whats going on in my world.

A couple of weeks ago it was his birthday and I tried to organise a get together with our friends on the Sunday as I was working on the Saturday. He decided that he didnt want to do anything so I had to msg everyone and cancel. He then ended up organising a get together himself with all his friends on the Saturday while I was at work and couldnt go. That really hurt me.

Matty you put it perfectly, in that along with the loss of the relationship I am losing the sense of identity I have had for 11 years as his partner and wife. I do feel in a way that by leaving this marriage that I have failed. I committed to a marriage and I failed to make it work even though I know it took both of us to make it fail.