Hi Brian,

Why not just ask them to keep it down? Usually in an apartment building there is an understanding of ‘quiet hours’, like after 10pm people are supposed to shut the f— up. I had a similar issue in my building the first week I moved in about six years ago and I complained to the landlord. And it worked. (an ps, ummm that’s their job…) And there was no backlash or any issue afterwords.

No one likes noise, especially late at night. Why should you have to put up with it?

Good luck!
Pink:)

Hi Sann,

If I’m understanding you correctly, this lady is taking over your task? If that’s the case, just tell her ‘You know what? I can take over now. Thanks for your help.’

And that’s it. Short and sweet.

You have to protect what’s yours when it comes to working with other people. Most people at work are self serving and don’t care about you. So you really shouldn’t care about them. That doesn’t mean you have to act like b-tch. But you really have to train people not to mess with you. And that only comes from reacting in the moment. Constantly. Until it’s natural to be that way. Be polite yet firm. Always firm. And don’t engage in a long back and forth–just stick to your position.

Fight for yourself! If you don’t fight, you can’t win. And you deserve to win!

Good luck! 🙂

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Hi Nicky,

Do you not practice art anymore?

My feeling, as I am an artist too, is that if you must take a full time office job or something then it’s best to have the mindset that that job is funding your art. Now if you don’t create anymore, maybe that’s the issue. I’ve had several jobs too, but I always saw them as paying for my living so I could create. That way, work bs is never really that serious, you know?

Also, when you’re pursuing what you’re meant to be doing, the right opportunities will come to you. Maybe shift your energy a bit. Create. Try not to get wrapped in the day to day. And most of all, don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re doing the best you can.

Take care
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I agree with Inky. There’s nothing negative about feeling more fabulous than your ex. Sometimes that’s all it takes to get over someone.

You won’t know the next step until you take the first step. Opt for four days a week. Commit to your dream–which is very realistic I might add, it’s not like you want to become a dancer at age fifty or something. Meaning, go for it. See what happens. Not to mention you sound very responsible, so I doubt you would let yourself get into deep financial trouble, regardless of what happens.

Go.
Go.
Go.

Good luck!
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Hi Sandy,

You’re definitely too hard on yourself, girl. I’m the same age as you and single, and let me tell you living for yourself is no easy feat. I’ve gone through phases where I’ve lived just like you, especially wanting to hide that side of myself I was too ashamed to show. But I agree with lnky–guys don’t care. And I think you know that too. But the things is, you care. That’s obvious. And that’s what it’s about.

I had to go through- not to sound cheesy – an ‘awakening’ to get myself out of the funk you described. A few years ago, I got so tired of myself, and of life, and I couldn’t be unhappy anymore. I was creating suffering for myself, much like you are now. And I too thought the answers were all in the partners I couldn’t have, or the jobs I couldn’t get, but really the answers were–another cheeseball moment–in me. But realizing this didn’t come easy. It actually came through, what felt like at the time, losing my whole life. But then slowly, I began taking care of myself (at first because I had no one else and nothing else to take care of) I began cleaning my apartment, that began to feel good, then cleaning my ‘social closet’ –getting rid of of anyone who was draining me of energy, anyone I had to explain myself to, anyone who didn’t really ‘get me’. AFter all that, literally I found myself with one friend. And she lived across the country. But I didn’t care. I was putting myself and my well-being ahead of any expectations anyone had of me. I was putting myself first. And maybe that’s what you need to do, and worry about the relationship stuff later. And anyway, that stuff always comes in its own time. You can do nothing to control that. Become the kind of partner you want to be with. Then, maybe you’ll stop worry about being good enough, you know?

I hope this helps, Sandy. Honestly I’ve been in your shoes, I can even feel that ongoing unease as I write this. But the good news is that you’ve verbalized it. You know something isn’t right. And knowing that, being AWARE of that, is everything. Awareness of the thoughts you consistently think is the beginning of the way out (says all the spirituality books I own, but it’s true I believe. That realization has helped me in ways I can’t even begin to explain)

Good luck to you, girl. 🙂

Take care,
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Hi Toggles,

Oy, this is a tough one. You love him and you want to be with him, that’s obvious. And on paper, seems like he’s a good fit–good family, decent job, mellow, an all around good guy. In my experience, these are the toughest situations to deal with because nothing is so obviously bad. It’s not like he’s cheated on you or he abuses you or anything. He just gets out of hand when he’s drunk and says things he says later on that he doesn’t mean.

Hmmmm….

I think that there is some part of you that doesn’t want to be with someone who treats that way–and ps, that is a not nice ‘way’ to treat someone (some people drink and they’re happy and fun, not flip out on their gf). Go with your gut and go home and recuperate, even though your heart may not agree. I tell you I’ve been through a very similar situation and drama like that is always an indication that something else is going on. And that will always pop up in your relationship, and since it comes from within him, there will be nothing you can do to stop it. Save yourself. When the shit hits the fan–and it will–you’ll have no one to lean on there in London, and you won’t be as strong as you are now, not if you move in together, because there will be more you feel like you have to lose.

Good luck, girl.

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