Chris: Thank you for the concern. But yes I’m safe and although there is a feelings of hopelessness and I am basically just running on autopilot everyday without any joy in my life, I assure you I am not contemplating suicide, I’ve never thought about that, I just don’t feel as though anything I’ve done in my life has made any significant impact in anyone else’s life so when I do eventually pass on (preferably through natural causes) I don’t think it would affect anyone in any significant matter.

Joshua: She raised me on her own for a majority of my life so we are close but I know she has always wanted be to do better for myself than she has and I have done that but now I am lost on where to go from here. I’ve had many intimate relationships and platonic relationships, I don’t really have any close friend as I have trust issues and I don’t want to burden my friends with my problems that’s why I don’t talk to the about it. Most of my intimate relationships ended because of lack of communication or when I talked to them about my depression and feelings it has been too overwhelming for them.

I do enjoy IT but not enough to work my whole life in that industry. I don’t know why I don’t find enjoyment in my hobbies anymore my interest just fades in them and I stop. I did enjoy the job initially but now it has become to monotonous and boring, buut I still go because I need the money for bills, etc. If I knew what purpose would fulfill me I wouldn’t be asking for help I don’t think. My girlfriend is supportive but I try not to bring it up too much because of what happened in past relationships when I opened up about my feelings and I don’t want to repeat the same conversation to her everyday. Again, if i knew what changes I would like to make, how I wish to be remembered, or known for I probably wouldn’t be asking for help.

Martin

Anita,

No, the counselling did nothing for me, nor did the anti-depressants I had before I got the counselling. As I said it comes in waves I could feel fine one day and then the next day I would just not want to wake up because I feel as though I have no purpose and it wouldn’t change the world if I just disappeared (just to be clear I’m not suicidal).

I have reached my goal which was to do better for myself financially, and in relationships; which I have done and yet I can not come up with any goals for the future that would do much more for me besides a bit of extra money, which I don’t need.

So yes I feel goal-less and I cannot think of any goals related to things I enjoy because I don’t seem to enjoy anything anymore.

Martin