Jim,

Thank you for responding. Yea it’s defiantly taxing and like you said, one day your fine, the next you’re struggling, like i am today. My plan is to talk to her tonight after church, and see how she feels things are at. I keep having this little devil on my shoulder telling me that she’s going to move out at the end of the year so i want to address that feeling with her, see what she says. Hopefully it’s just me overreacting and just being a worrier (which i always have been)..

Again, thank you.

Anita,

My wife is not a stay at home mom, she has a full time job so adding that stress to everything else just made our relationship worse.

No, i never told her that i thought about other women when we were intimate, i agree, that would be cruel. And no, i never asked a woman out or anything. Not to sound arrogant or anything but, i have been told that i am very charming, and it’s easy for me to talk to women? If that makes sense? So i’d flirt with them and idk, build my ego? idk..

When i said, never put my wife first, i would put myself first. “how does this decision to buy a new tv affect me” or “if i work late, it’s fine, my wife is home and she can cook/clean/feed the kids/put them to bed”. Basically i was selfish. I know that that happens to people but, it obviously happened to me, and i am admitting i was wrong.

Alright, figured i’d give an update. But first i want to say thank you all again for giving me wisdom and a place to talk, much appreciated.

So, we’re still together, thankfully. I did go and spend over $300 on a few shirts and have been exercising. Also got some new cologne. Working on me a little more. We’ve been seeing a marriage counselor and he’s been helping out with getting us to talk, which we desperately need to do!

One thing that has crossed my mind and i did bring it up to her is that, (sorry, might be a lot of TMI) I had a vasectomy in March, she stopped taking her birth control roughly around July/August? I am really wondering if all of this is hormonal? We had my work Xmas party on Sat night and a few of the directors from my company, which we’re all friends and hang out and what not but, 3 of them didn’t’ come talk to us because they were mingling and we had left early to relieve her parents because they were watching our kids. So we left and she started to cry in the truck saying their a-holes for not talking to us.. Seem’s like she’s really guided by emotions right now?? It was just a thought, could be way off base but, wanted your opinions on that one.

She hasn’t said “i want to be with you” but she has been acting really nice and thoughtful of me. Asking if i want her to make me a mix drink or asking if i need anything if she goes someplace, idk, just nicer to me. She still give’s me kiss’s before i leave for work and when i get home, also before we go to bed. A few times laying in bed she’ll reach over and hold my hand or rub my chest, just little thing’s i am noticing. We both like those Marvel movies and she’s been wanting to watch them with me so, lately we’ve been sitting downstairs watching these movies and kind of laughing/having a good time, making fun of Hollywood and stuff, idk seem’s like the “old us” before we had kids.

We had a chat on Friday night and, she said she’s still unsure if she wants to be with me and that she was thinking about moving out in Sept. Which kind of got me upset and i said “Look, if you want to divorce and drag us through the mud, ruin our little family, have to answer to our kid’s (5yr and 2yr old) why dad isn’t here or why mom isn’t here, then that’s on you. I can’t change how you feel. If we divorce i will still be nice and curtious to you but i will cut you from my life, you will be nothing more than a woman who i loved and had kids with. I will not talk bad about you but i will not care about you anymore” and so she started to cry and i kind of felt bad but, Idk if it was the right move or not, i guess i wanted to rattle her cage a little bit.. Thoughts?

Oh, and my sexual tension is HORRIBLE.. gahhhh sorry, TMI again!

So, i guess i am still holding on to hope that she’ll come around. She really is an amazing, incredible woman. I really lost sight of her i guess, got caught up in my own world with work and myself.. i really screwed up and have made my mistakes, i am human.

Anyways, thanks for letting me vent again, hope everyone is staying warm!

So what you’re saying is sleep in other rooms?

I truly believe she is driven by emotions, but how can someone be so callus towards someone they love. She is stonewalling me and dropped that bomb on me then doesn’t say hardly anything.. Only time she talks is through text and that started yesterday.. It’s almost heartless… maybe she’s gone, her loss i guess..

I am not giving up though, tomorrow is a new day. Putting one foot in front of the other, making the best of a crap situation.

I am in love with that woman!

Anita,

Thank you for responding. By those i mean, the last few months putting my job first, not being there to help out around the house and the kids.