We are talking more and more each day! Which Helps tremendously she is letting me read her texts and chats now but it still hurts tremendously. She is not putting me down anymore in the text that she lets me read. So I am willing to work with her because I just want her to be Happy. She and the kids are the best part of me without them i am Nothing. I have become clingy i don’t want to go to work or sleep because i am afraid i will miss something. When i am alone i can’t get these thoughts out of my head that she would be better off if I was dead, I just couldn’t do that to my kids but I am not being a pillar for them with me this way I am a mess, cry uncontrollably at times just don’t understand why my love is not enough when it is my whole life and soul. She says she wants this to work, and she may not like the lifestyle but she wants to live it and try it. Still overwhelmed and confused, I just want my old Wife back. My oldest just turned 13 last month so I am not sure if this was a trigger or what but I hope she realizes what she is doing before the damage is irreversible. My Family is my everything and this hurts so bad.

Thanks for replying, I do love her so much and feel blind sided by the whole ordeal, I grew up in a single parent home and don’t want our children to go through that. We have been talking She knows now that she needs to be more open but these feelings I have when I am not right there to monitor her or to hold her are making me crazy, I can’t function anymore. The most important thing in my life has always been my family and I feel I can’t function and be there for them when I am this depressed when I am away from them. It’s almost an ultimatum either i do this with her or she is going to do it without me, but she has also stated she might not like it it may be just a fantasy. I am in a whirlwind don’t know which way is up or down. I did talk to her Parents about what is going on we tried to have an intervention, but her parents basically told her that what she is doing is wrong and she is so upset with me for involving them in this, but i don”t know what to do, I didn’t know if it was just a hormonal thing or a mid-life crisis or what is going on. Both her parents and I agree that something inside Sara has changed recently but she thinks she has to try this to see if she will feel complete. I hurts me so much to know she doesn’t feel complete makes me feel like I have not done my job as a husband. So scared she is going to just take the kids and run while I am at work. I don’t think she realizes all the risk of the relationship that she wants has. People talk and the kids would get the brunt of it. I know the world is more open to different lifestyles than it was years ago but still think poly-marriages are taboo to most of the world. Also every fiber in my being says that this is the wrong step for our marriage but don’t know what to do to make her see that. I am trying to show her all the love and support I can but I feel so drained emotionally and physically I can’t seem to function any more, like I said while I am away it is so much worse. The past is the past and I want to move toward the future and let the past go, but just cant stop the pain of what I am feeling.So scared and confused right now.