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PeaceatlastParticipant
Hi, Choccoffeewine,
I’m sorry so much of your life has been like this. In dealing with a couple of siblings who are similar to your mother, I found that learning how to deal with a “Narcissist” gave me the insight I needed. YouTube has some therapists who make no bones about what drives their behavior, how to and how not to manage them, and the backlash to anticipate. I also agree with the suggestion above that you and your sister can provide Mom with phone numbers of service-for-hire people she can call to do her bidding. Screen your calls. If it’s important, they’ll leave a message. If the message is just more of the usual, delete it and don’t respond. This is loving yourself, your family, and your siblings, and it’s allowing Mom to finally take responsibility for her choices. Good for you, you’re doing the right thing by establishing your boundaries.August 9, 2016 at 7:30 am in reply to: Adult sibling wants to know why I avoid her…how to be kind, truthful, and help #111982PeaceatlastParticipantGood idea…so obvious, too! Thank you for being sensible. A couple of tinybuddha blog posts and a few YouTube talks helped me find the right tone. I kept it brief as you suggested, and focused my message on how I feel instead of what I need from her. I’ve learned, as Chris stated, that these folks twist our words to say what we never said nor meant. It’s more difficult to argue a person’s feelings, so that’s where I stayed. Is “family togetherness” an illusion created in Victorian times? I ask that because everything else that’s nutty comes from novels and paintings from those times….
August 6, 2016 at 7:04 pm in reply to: Adult sibling wants to know why I avoid her…how to be kind, truthful, and help #111741PeaceatlastParticipantChris, thank you for your reply and commiseration. It seems cowardly and beneath our true natures to ignore/avoid answering. To do so sets Me up to be maligned to the rest of family, who will believe I’m the one causing the problem. Perhaps this is part of the suffering the Buddah spoke of; yet we can find happiness by knowing our true nature, by going within.
August 6, 2016 at 6:54 pm in reply to: Adult sibling wants to know why I avoid her…how to be kind, truthful, and help #111740PeaceatlastParticipantAnita, Thank you for your interest. I’ve never told her, no. My husband did, though, which led to many years of strained relations with family, as they believed what she told them. I never defended myself as I believe the true nature of things will come out eventually.
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