Hi, Choccoffeewine,
I’m sorry so much of your life has been like this. In dealing with a couple of siblings who are similar to your mother, I found that learning how to deal with a “Narcissist” gave me the insight I needed. YouTube has some therapists who make no bones about what drives their behavior, how to and how not to manage them, and the backlash to anticipate. I also agree with the suggestion above that you and your sister can provide Mom with phone numbers of service-for-hire people she can call to do her bidding. Screen your calls. If it’s important, they’ll leave a message. If the message is just more of the usual, delete it and don’t respond. This is loving yourself, your family, and your siblings, and it’s allowing Mom to finally take responsibility for her choices. Good for you, you’re doing the right thing by establishing your boundaries.