Hi Paula, thank you for sharing your issue. I have some experience in this area and can attest that it is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. In my case, what has been the most helpful is actually creating an internal shift. I used to take everything that was said and done very personally – it’s is hard not to. But in the end, I learned that all of the tactics used were just a form of crazy-making (I learned about this in the books by Patricia Evans – http://www.patriciaevans.com/), designed to keep me confused and paralyzed. Although I spent some time learning about issues of abuse, addiction, etc. etc… in the end I learned that whatever the person says or does is THEIR stuff. They may project it onto me, and I may have carried it for them for a long time, but even after many years, it’s not too late for me to realize it was HIS STUFF all along! Not mine. Bam! – FREEDOM! Making that internal shift was such a breakthrough for me. Since then, I have learned the second most important step: FORGIVE MYSELF! See, all along I was carrying this pain, shame and guilt that this person projected onto me… there it was in my subconscious, just piling up. I no longer had room for me, in my own being! It was all being taken up by that person’s stuff. So I’ve been actively sitting in meditation and literally envisioning myself breathe in/insert shovel under stuff – breathe out/shovel the stuff out of my head. I’ve just been envisioning myself doing that clean up lately. And just tuning into myself with love and forgiveness. This entire time I’ve been under the faulty assumption that any of this has anything to do with me. The clarity of realizing that’s not the case has been absolutely freeing and transformative. I agree with the above comment to give yourself some space from the situation and your heart will open up with a clear answer. Blessings!