Hello
I am sorry to read about how you are feeling. I stumble across your post and it reminded me that being alone is just that no matter how many people you have around you.
I’m in my 50s, live alone, no pets, good health. I have been job hunting without success for nearly 2 years. My kids are living their own lives, the only friends I had were from my previous job. Days go by where I haven’t communicated with anyone. I have always been a loner and can make friends but find people hard work at times. Men come and go. However, there has been no one for nearly 10 years – I just cant trust them. I would love to have a good man in my life but I cant see that ever happening.
The love and friendship I have stored up inside me feels like a heavy weight inside my chest, sometimes it overspills on to my kids and I guess I become overbearing, I see it in their faces and it take every bit of strength to not show the pain when they get fed up with me, or make a comment or roll their eyes. All the things I use to do to make sure I stayed happy or just sane, dont seem to work anymore. From positive thinking, smiling and being nice to strangers, art and walking, today I forced myself to go for a walk around the park, but it just made me feel sadder and lonelier than ever.
Some days I just get up put on the tv and just sit there.
I know I am depressed and I should try a little, talking to strangers on helplines just makes me feel worst, I can tell their on a timer, just like the doctor.
I wonder how much more of this I can take.
Please dont be offended but appreciate your husband, enjoy you job you have more than you think.