Hey Inky,

Thanks for your response you’re dope 🙂 I like your perspective on this makes a lot of sense! Just have to remind ourselves how special we really are and our differences is what make us unique and just that..special. I have a hard time doing that I am a over thinker  which can work against me at times and recently someone told me that they think that I don’t give myself enough credit, that pretty much sums me up lol. I was totally taken by surprise, mind you this was a complete stranger that I had a short conversation with but was able to pick up on that in the time we talked. But im a believer in the phrase ” God works in mysterious ways. I was meant to be delivered that message at that time. I have to work on better self talk!!!!That is the biggest downfall. Get out of my own way!!

Thanks

Dear Airene

Thank you so much for your words of advice and encouragement. I believe it’s a process one day i will be out of my shell. I cannot wait to get to that point that you stated.I’ve struggled with this for many years now and it can be paralyzing and frustrating.In my mind it seems like a person should “grow out” of that faze by now, which causes me to feel like it is only happening to me lol. I will work on and take heed to the things you said I don’t want to change who I am only embrace it. Thanks.

Hey Eliana
thank you for your help I will definitely keep you posted. I feel the same I must take my own advice listening to ourselves is important. Finding someone to keep company is not the same thing as finding compatibility. Smh. I’ve compromised in this situation out of loneliness and sexual desire but neither one is as bad as leaving hurt and even more dissatisfied than before. must be more disciplined….an find peace alone. but I’m learning more and more.

Hey Eliana
I believe I do as well! I know I am settling to a degree. I am trying to keep a optimistic mindframe about it and the possibilities because I know that I have not made myself available to him.As far as making time to spend with him. And I can’t help but feel like part of that reason is due to not wanting to go through the motions. If it doesn’t flow natural and freely I can’t force it. Even when I text about certain things for example:yesterday he mentioned he was with his kids at a park and i asked which one and sent a text about a park that I like. I received no text back of engagement “o really I like that one, or I never been there we can go there one day” Nothing! I’m getting the feeling you are right about this. And maybe he is just playing along so he doesn’t loose Me but he subconsciously senses he I am not ready for more so he is doing bare minimum. it is creating frustration in me though. He texts me every morning and through the day to see how or what Iam doing but that doesn’t cut it. I don’t ask for much but I’ve expressed my feeling of lack of interest in me as a person before and that is what he mentioned”you don think I care about you, i text you everyday to see how u are etc” like that is enough. Not to mention as I’ve stated he lives with his mother and I kind of get the feeling he is a bit of a mommas boy. He’s mentioned the fact he has put his mom before the woman he has dated an admitted that he thought that also became a issue for whom he was with. Smh I feel foolish. I know eventually I will have to move on. I have to be honest with myself and the things I’m seeing an what I want in a relationship in the future. & considering circumstances this just isn’t it. The lack of chemistry and conversation for me is a deal breaker alone though. How do i move on from this, do i tell him it’s best we move on or just let him figure it out.?Naturally sense we have been involved I have feelings for him but like i said sex is just not enough

Hey Anita
I guess I misquote that. He is a kind and understanding man but when you are honest and vulnerable sometimes ppl use it against you. my fears are that I won’t live up to what is expected, that I will get my heart broken again, and appear unworthy “too young” or not good enough to his mom/family. Ultimately that I will be let down and end up single again. I know that I will eventually have to let my guard down and take a chance if i want a honest relationship but I’m Leary because I have found out somethings that I do not like and worries me. For instance he has a terrible driving record, had a recent ovi so you can imagine all the fines he has etc. I also don’t like he lives with his mother. Although he takes care of her because she is sick is a great provider, i don’t want to be in a predicament that hinders me. I need someone with stability and can help me too. It’s like I don’t want to give up on him because he is a good man but all these uncertainties overwhelm me and I Hey Anita
I guess I misquote that. He is a kind and understanding man but when you are honest and vulnerable sometimes ppl use it against you. my fears are that I won’t live up to what is expected, that I will get my heart broken again, and appear unworthy “too young” or not good enough to his mom/family. Ultimately that I will be let down and end up single again. I know that I will eventually have to let my guard down and take a chance if i want a honest relationship but I’m Leary because I have found out somethings that I do not like and worries me. For instance he has a terrible driving record, had a recent ovi so you can imagine all the fines he has etc. I also don’t like he lives with his mother. Although he takes care of her because she is sick is a great provider, i don’t want to be in a predicament that hinders me. I need someone with stability and can help me too. It’s like I don’t want to give up on him because he is a good man but all these uncertainties overwhelm me and I find myself as i said frozen. I have to get over my anxiety if we are going to get anywhere. But I’ve taken the role of listener, as he vent’s an when it’s time to open up I honestly don’t even know where to start an over thinking wondering if he has interest in my thoughts. it’s ridiculous I can imagine how this sounds, well if yu have any suggestions or other thoughts I’ll check back. Thanks

Also Elliana, would you recommend it wise for me to look him up on truthfinder to find out what exactly he is up to

Hi Eliana
Hi Anita
I appreciate your feedback. I absolutely agree with you on the fact that he is pretty much controlling our relationship. Although as i mentioned we have not made it official with one another…him joking around that I will be his “future wife” etc makes me question if he takes being with me seriously. He doesn’t inquire too much into things that I want in life too much but being that I am intimidated to a degree i can’t say it is his fault because I don’t feel comfortable letting myself be vulnerable and truly open up. It’s really hard to decipher things for myself. He is a caring person I know if I needed him I could call him an when i have he has always been supportive for example:if i need a ride & car needs work he is the type to find me a mechanic and pay if need it no questions asked, if I’m hungry, need money. I think about a future with him because we have been involved this long but I do get fearful. Mainly because Iam not 100% happy with my life & secure within.I feel like I need to pull back completely an allow myself to grow and find happiness individually to find true happiness collectively. But i don’t really know how to tell him that. He texts/calls me everyday & checks on me but I don’t want to invest energy into pouring out thesefeelings and allow him to have a space of even more control so what do you suggest.? Do i just text him less and less until he gets the signal or what?