Thank you for being so open. It still feels like a raw wound from the way you write. You hit on the answer when you said you wanted to look at the situation with “acceptance”. But how do you get there? I know how we don’t get there–and that is by asking “Why?” over and over when you cannot truly know the answer to why. There are the practical answers–he was immature, he wanted to play, etc. But you are seeking, I think, an answer to the cosmic why. You won’t likely find an answer to that by ruminating. When you move forward and live your life you may discern an answer. But that will be in time, if at all. Also, wondering “If only he (or I)…” is understandable but an impediment to your desire to accept. Acceptance is a “right-brain” concept. The right brain allows us peace. The left-brain digs for answers and reviews details–there is no peace just agitation. When we accept something it doesn’t mean it is desirable or good, only that is. By resisting acceptance you are doing battle with reality rather than finding peace. A simple repetition of “I don’t like it (left-brain judgment) but I accept it (right-brain)” you balance your brain and cultivate a more accepting attitude. Once you cultivate acceptance try adding a sense of trust. Trust that all is playing out in a manner that is ultimately to your soul’s best interest.Trust requires not digging for answers you cannot find. Trust is a leap of faith. I believe that when we accept want is and then trust that whatever happens/happened can be for our benefit–even if we do not like it–we can move forward to the life that awaits us. Best wishes.