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PopParticipant
Dear Anita,
thank you very much for your advice!! I talked about my feelings with him, and we agree to go on a trip for a week, to try to reconnect, and relax together, without any pressure. Do you think this is a good idea? how should I act around him to make everything as good as it can be? Do you have any advice?
Thank you!!!
PopParticipantDear Anita,
So, do you think that this happens because I am afraid that my feelings will betray me again, so I kind of developed a defence mechanism when it comes to love and relationships? When I first started to be with my former boyfriend I was infatuated and I didn’t really think about his faults, and after a while they started to become really obvious, but with my new boyfriend it just clicked when we started to know each other, and I felt in my heart that he will be my husband. It felt like in a second everything felt in place, and I had my future very clearly planned ahead of me.
Regarding your last comment, you might be right, I think I may have chosen not to feel in love with him, because I lost trust in my feelings, so I started to panic and I just made things worse.
My question is how do I get over this confusion? Should I take a break from him and try to answer all these questions alone or should I just try to spend more time with him, without any pressure, and see if the feelings come back? Do you think that if I had such strong feelings for him once, I can have them again some day? How do I stop thinking so much about everything, relax, and just listen to my heart?
Thank you! 🙏
PopParticipantHello everyone! It’s the first time I am writing on this kind of website, but I am desperate.
I was in a relationship for almost 7 years with a guy. At first, we were amazing, we had chemistry and I thought that I was going to spend the rest of my life with him, but a few years ago things have changed. I felt in my soul that he was not the right one for me, so I decided after a long struggle to end the relationship. This was just the introduction. A few weeks after, I met a nice guy, and he caught my attention. He is everything I have ever hoped and dreamed for. We started talking and we realised that we are very alike, that we make a great team, that we don’t have to speak to be able to comunicate, I felt he is my soulmate and he felt the same (I know it sounds a bit cheesy but I am 27 years old, and he is 28, we talked very maturely about our feelings, and we both seek a serious relationship). But after a month when someone reminded me that I have gotten into a relationship too soon after breaking up I felt a void and suddenly all my feelings were gone. He felt that and he started questioning whether I am over my ex or not. He now accuses me that I am loving him rationally not emotionally, and he is somehow right. I have moments when I feel more in love with him than ever and others when I can’t say I miss him because it is not true. I haven’t experienced this kind of mixed feelings before, and I don’t know what to do. I read what others wrote, and the fact is I want to spend time with him, I am my best version when I am with him, and his presence makes me happy, but I am always afraid that my confusion will come back, he feels it, he mirrors my behaviour and after that we both feel bad.
I have a great relationship with my parents, so I don’t think that might be the issue, but my ex relationship was pretty hard on me. I have lost myself, I became very anxious, nervous, I started lashing out at people, I couldn’t get a job, I was always expecting for something bad to happen, for him to be mad at me, and it was really difficult to find the strength to leave him. He used to tell me that I will die alone with my cats if he won’t marry me, and that I do not deserve everything I think I am.I am thinking that I am traumatised still, and what my ex told me really impacted my mind. I am certain that I don’t love him anymore.
With my new boyfriend, I started being who I was before, I feel powerful, confident, strong, I wanna get out my comfort zone, and this was noticed even by my parents who said that they have never seen me this in love before, that I am glowing when I speak about him, my mom even started crying because I have changed so much and she is so happy for me. How do I look in love if I am not feeling like that??? Is it possible that I am too scared, and stressed that the confusion will come back that I don’t let my true feeling come through?
I hope this isn’t too long, and I apologise for my grammar mistakes, I am not a native speaker.
Please help me!!!
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