Hello guys it’s been three months and I had not contacted him since then. I had a very depressed June quitting my job, trying to be normal without him and in Aug I finally got a new job and was trying to start again.

But couple of weeks ago he wanted to call me asking if I can talk. I was at work so I said he can call me when he wakes up next day for him(because we live in different countries, we have like 15hours difference)or text me. But he waited until I finish my work and called.

He said sorry. He admitted that I was right about what he was going through at that time. When we were together, he was having insomnia and depression. I was trying to help him by waiting and accepting his problem but he was isolating himself hurting me. After breaking up he has been to a counselor and they decided to try anxiety medications. He said he will go to see a doctor soon that week.

I didn’t know what to say because I had all the feelings listening to him. I was very confused, I felt hate, but I felt sorry for him and I found I still miss him. I was trying hard to stay neutral. I remember all I said was “I was trying to help you but you denied it. And you are now calling me saying you are sorry because you want yourself to feel better.”

Maybe what I said hurt him.. but him saying sorry didn’t relieved me at all and I don’t want to get hurt anymore from anybody. I have no room left to be hurt.

He wants to keep in touch with me which for me is good to hear from him but at the same time it will make me miss him more. I started crying again when I’m alone since his call.

But what I really wanted to say to him was

I always wish him the best. I hope he gets better soon and achieve whatever his goal is.

I am just saying this here cause I have no courage

So.. now I am stuck with not knowing his feeling about me, myself missing and hating him at the same time, him wanting to keep in touch, myself with much low self confidence. Hahaha

Thanks for reading.. just wanted to share because I couldn’t sleep in the late sunday night