I know this trend is pretty old, but finally I found a post online that reflects what I’ve been going through this past week.
I’ve always had problems with romantic relationships and I struggle to develop feelings and feeling attracted to men, in general, so this running away thing has happened multiple times, but it used to happen in the early stages of dating – like I’d go to 1 or 2 dates and the minute guys showed more interest or did something I found I disliked, I was out…the thing is: I never developed feelings.

However, in March I went on a trip and I met a guy there who seemed very nice. It was very easy to chat with him, we appeared to have a lot of things in common and overall, I felt happy because “I finally met a man who behaved differently from all the men I met in the past”. We both returned to our respective countries, but kept in touch and I honestly felt simply happy to have found a nice person to chat with – in other words – I wasn’t attracted to him physically and I wasn’t interested in dating him, but since I’ve been going through a self discovering, healing journey, I let myself be open to whatever this was bringing me.
Our conversations got a bit more serious, we discussed a lot of serious things. He was a bit too straighforward and flirty, but I’m a bit “dumb” with these things and at the time, I didn’t notice anything. The point is: I was really enjoying talking to him, I was excited and I wanted to talk to him everyday and when he, a few weeks after the trip, told me that if we lived closer he would’ve asked me out, I was super happy and thrilled. So, we basically agreed that we could do this “dating-getting to know each other better” long distance and eventually, if everything went well, meet up in one of our countries.

Like I said, he was a bit too flirty, a bit cheesy, but everything was so new to me and I was happy that FINALLY after all the therapy I’ve done, I was finally letting myself go and letting myself feeling things for a person who seemed “right” for me. However, he quickly started to make a lot of sexual, dirty jokes and although I told him at the time that I wasn’t into that and he respected it, I started wondering if I really wanted to do this after all and that maybe, this was all going a bit too fast. At this point, we were just texting and occasionally, sending voice messages and he kept saying “I felt right” and that he felt a connection he hasn’t felt with anyone in a while and I guess, I liked that, back then. During that uncertain period, we started talking on the phone and eventually, the annoyance and uncertainty I felt went away and I thought that maybe I was indeed just a bit scared and concerned. We kept talking, he kept making very sexual approaches, always giving me compliments and the conversations we used to have, were replaced by us making plans of what it was going to be like when we were together. He sent me pictures (some a bit more racy than others) and…I was enjoying it. Or at least, I thought I was enjoying it. Whenever he said nice things or told me about what he wanted to do with me, I felt all fluttery and I just wanted to talk about him to everyone and kept imagining things, too. Eventually, he confessed…he told me he loved me and that I was the one and at the moment, I felt a bit weird because, sure I felt things, but was it love? Like, what is love supposed to feel like and when I told him that I felt a bunch of things, but couldn’t for sure say if I was in love or not, he basically told me that he knew the answer, but he’ll let me figure out on my own. A few days later, I kinda felt like maybe he was right and that this is what falling in love must feel like and I told him that I was in love with him. After that, he got even more straightforward with the sexting, the cheesiness, the pics and…I kept being very stimulated, so I honestly thought I was desiring him, that I wanted to be with him, etc. I felt super proud of myself and happy for finally have gotten to that stage with someone.
Then, one day, when we were videochatting, looking at him started bothering me. I thought he looked grossed and I felt very repulsed about the idea of even kissing him. I thought it would go away since I have experienced annoyance before…but it didn’t. And all of a sudden, all the things I felt, all the things I wanted to do with him, the excitement is simply gone.
I told him about it, because I couldn’t hide it and he’s obviously really hurt. He says he doesn’t understand how can someone change their mind so quickly and that clearly I have a mental issue. I don’t disagree with the mental issue thing, however, I also told him that I felt like he played me a bit and made me believe something that was probably a bit too rushed and fast. After my pink glasses came off, I started picking apart some things he told me, and now all I see is negative things with his personality. How he told me he already thought I was his style during the trip, how he helped me when I got sick so that he could talk to me more, how he thought on how to keep in touch with me after the trip because he thought we were so compatible…the flirting, the sex jokes at any minute, the planning, what he fantasized and imagined it was going to be like when we finally got together. I’m probably exaggerating, but I felt like he fooled me and that I was pushed into something I perhaps wasn’t so ready for (although momentarily I thought I was). I just don’t understand how he could develop feelings so fast and be so sure we’re meant to be when we haven’t even gotten together after “dating”.
Right now, we’re still on speaking terms. He agreed to slow down and try to talk freely, go with the flow and all that, but to be fair, I don’t really feel like talking to him anymore. Deep down, I’m just scared of this being the last shot I’m gonna have with a guy who’s interested in me, but I don’t think that’s a good reason to keep on doing this. I’ll also meet up with my therapist this week and see what she thinks of this.
Gladly will wait for your input and advice on what I should do or what this might be.