PearceHawk, reading your reply made me smile from the inside like I haven’t in a while. It was comforting and yet, a very honest reality check. You’re right. What if he left later? I do believe and told him, very respectfully, that while he is free to leave when he wants since I can’t force him to be with me, I do believe he will realise that his definition of love and idea of commitment will settle when he’s ready. Thank you. I just wish he’d say these things directly and not “I need to find myself” or “I’ve lost my identity in the relationship.” or “I still love you but I don’t need to and can’t be in a relationship.” If not a fighting chance, an honest conversation would have been nice, you know? Just out of respect for what we shared and me, as a person. The vague reasons just worsen the sudden end to a life he very much wanted..till he didn’t. My brain, as overthinking human brains do, just goes to him being with other women when I realise that a certain amount of his reasons are faff. Whether it is because he hasn’t reached that understanding himself or he doesn’t want to accept what he did, I don’t know. I’m trying hard not to take it personally. Because our relationship was fun, energetic, sex was great, intimacy and confidence in each other were high too. So what is it that he’s missing? The variety. I don’t understand.

What would be amazing is to reach a point where I no longer want answers, but it’s too soon for that, I think.

Anita: I asked him the exact same question. He said he loves me so much and enjoyed being with me so much that he wanted to try and put in the effort to “please me” and make me happy and in the process lost his own space and individuality to a point where he felt he had no identity outside of me. I asked him so why don’t you want to put in the effort or why do you think love doesn’t require work now? He said because he reached a breaking point where he came to a realisation that he was constantly trying to be someone else (someone who wants to be in a stable relationship) but realised he was unhappy, and that relationships aren’t for him, and certainly not one that takes so much of his time and mental space.

I don’t want him back. I’m even willing to go so far as to say I’m not angry with him. But I just wish he wouldn’t say these things that make no sense, further ruin the taste of the beautiful relationship in my mouth, almost make excuses, you know? I don’t know. I just don’t know what to think or feel anymore.

He also said he will “always” love me (not falling for that twice), and that in the future if he ever wants a relationship again, he will come “begging back and is ready to begin from scratch the courtship process.” I bought it the first two days of him leaving me because then, I couldn’t breathe and there was this stabbing pain in my chest so I would have taken anything.

Now, I know it’s something people say when they leave.