Hi Lesley,
Firstly thanks for sharing. Secondly I’ve never been in your situation.

There are a couple of things though i wanted to chime in on. The main thing is we don’t know what we don’t know, as in if the event hasn’t transpired we can’t say for certain what will come to pass, we can only assume. I have this habit too and am only starting to be aware of the stories i spin to myself to justify feeling a certain way. Don’t fall for that style of thinking (easier said than done right?)

It honestly sounds like he hasn’t forgiven himself, and just writing that down i’m seeing some advice i can follow myself relating to another post i made earlier!

I’m currently seeing some one who has been in your situation, and she is telling me very similar things, “want to love again but after being hurt like that not sure if she can”. This relationship has been a huge opportunity for growth in myself and for her. Patience is key, so for every emotional obstacle we come across there is a huge opportunity for growth, and that should excite you. For me it’s like going to the gym and working out a weak muscle, the weaker the muscle, the more i stand to gain from training it.

I’m your age, and one thing i’ve learned is that if you feel a certain way for a particular person, don’t for a second doubt you can’t find that again.

A lot of the happiness you found in that relationship was sourced from you. So you should be happy you felt that way, because going back to what i said initially, you were happy, you can be happy again, it happened, so you know it can happen again.

Accept what you’re feeling, let go, make sure you’re not harboring any guilt because the reality is he cheated on you. People deserve better than that. Time will help, and realize that there are billions of other men out there, and you can find something better and completely different as long as don’t close your heart. For now focus on you, doing the things that make you happy, laugh with your friends, go dancing, and before you know it things will be amazing 😀

Best of luck 🙂

-P