i have been out of a long term on and off abusive relationship for 1 year with no communication at all and still find it hard not fantasize about what the relationship could have been. i also understand for those of us who were abused when we were young that we are seeking the love we missed as children in these abusive relationships as proof that we are actually lovable. I will say it is not an easy road but it is the road i am going to stay on . i dont want to inflict any of this emotional turmoil onto my future self , im trying to make her life better.. i still cannot imagine dating another man , but i dont need a relationship to be happy . i just need my inner self back.

a big thankyou to who quoted : abuse has a weird intimacy which you can mistake for being close to someone…
it helps to understand my feeling without blaming or being harsh on myself for missing someone i know only wants to harm me.

there are alot of men out there that werent parented properly and have absolutely zero respect for woman just because they are woman not because of anything they have done wrong.