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Onder HassanParticipant
Hi Lee,
Thereâs a quote that a friend of mine gave me about women that I often give others whenever They ask me for advice on their relationships and itâs usually this:
The Medium Is The Message
Women generally communicate on a covert level and are very rarely overt about why they do things in the context of dating and relationships. If theyâre in a particular emotional state, then itâs very rarely spoken verbally or logically with the guy and often leaves the man feeling frustrated and confused. This is what causes complications because you canât communicate it logically and have to essentially read her non-verbal communication and act accordingly.
Women need their men to just know how theyâre feeling at all times without having to sit down and discuss it with him. It sucks but itâs the facts. Women talk on an emotional level while men communicate logically. In order to improve your relations you have to be willing to learn to speak their language.
So lets put things into context based on your situation. Your GF needed some time apart. That was essentially her way of saying âI donât want to be around you anymore, have met someone else or potentially am interested in someone else whoâs willing to get married and want my distance from youâ. Think about it, why would someone want to be away from someone they love??
This girl basically wanted to get married. She didnât get that level of commitment from you and decided to move on. The end.
My advice for you is to simply move on and continue working on yourself as youâre already doing. There are approximately 3.5 Billion women on the planet at this very moment. So the idea that you wonât ever meet another girl like her is basically not true and statistically impossible.
Get out there and start meeting more women. You will be surprised at how many of them youâll meet and connect with.
Good Luck,
Onder
Onder HassanParticipantHi Orchidia,
They say that the best advice is usually the most toughest. So I wonât hold back and am hoping you get to read this and understand that my advice is coming from a place of love.
Before giving you my advice, iâm going to lay it out with some background theory so that it gives you some perspective of where my advice comes from.
Whenever I look at people who are struggling with their relationships, it doesnât take long to figure out why by looking at their current lifestyle and how theyâre treating themselves. I never used to quite agree with this before because I myself was in the same place and was living in denial.
I was badly dressed, was a hermit, ate junk food and didnât have many friends or hobbies. It wasnât until years later as my self-esteem started improving how badly I was treating myself. And yet there I was, expecting the best from life without having truly earned it.
In short, if you want to attract high value things and people in your life, you have to treat yourself as high value
Itâs easy to accept yourself as you are and for self-help circles to suggest the same, but this is just the foundation of what you need before you can grow. You canât just accept yourself and not do anything in order to improve. After all, life is about growth and improvement.
So if youâre currently overweight, depressed and lacking in self-esteem. Then my advice to you would be to hit the gym, start watching your diet and taking care of your mind and general health. Iâm guessing you want the best quality mate you can find. But a person like that will have options. Be honest with yourself. Why would they want to be with you versus anyone else?
The sexual market place is cut throat and ruthless. And If youâre getting the results currently getting, then thats the sexual marketplace working as it should be. If you want the best, then expect to work hard and continue improving yourself.
Donât fall for the classic fallacy that a person should accept you for who you are. It makes sense logically, but you have to firstly want to be a better person if itâs to be the case. You canât convince yourself of your flaws being flawless and expect others to do the same. I hope this doesnât upset you. It is a bitter pill to swallow. It was for me, but it soon changed my life for the better.
So my advice: No, donât get into another relationship until youâve worked on yourself.
Good Luck,
Onder
Onder HassanParticipantHi Carl, I know this is a very late response but I think I have an answer to your question. Iâm currently writing a book about this very thing and will be updating my personal blog very soon. So keep an eye out
Onder HassanParticipantHi Chelsea,
Iâm in the same position as you at the moment and have been without work for almost a year with no doors opening despite sending applications. I almost feel like a failure despite being educated and with some formal work experience. Being almost 30 in a few months, I feel like I have nothing to show for it and feel lost. I have since been managing my own blog as a way to vent my problems and to help others with similar issues. But the moral of my story is, you are not alone.
The hardest part anyone can do when suffering from hardship is to get yourself out of the mental rut youâre in and takes a long time to get over, particularly when things arenât going the way you want it to.
The best solution iâve found to help solve this problem is to simply appreciate your current situation and to see it all as a learning experience. Adversity is probably the most valuable thing we could ever experience in life as itâs usually in times like these that allow you to discover who you really are and to realise just how strong you can be.
Keep your head up and continue pushing forward. We are both going to come out the other side better people. Nothing bad lasts forever.
Onder HassanParticipantHi Graham,
I donât really have any recommendations for managing emotions, but if i could perhaps offer you one piece of advice based on my experience.
The best way to become more emotional is to simply be willing to let go and allow yourself to feel naturally.
As humans weâre meant to feel the full range of emotions whether its anger, happiness, sadness and bitterness etc.
When the emotion comes up for you, say to yourself:
âThis is how iâm feeling right now and I accept and invite it with open armsâ
Youâll find over time that the emotions will quickly dissipate more quickly as youâll no longer be stopping yourself or holding back.
Being sad, happy or angry isnât a bad thing. Itâs what makes us human
Good luck.
Onder HassanParticipantIn my experience, I find the best way to come up with creative ideas is when I try not to think of coming up with one.
A lot of my best ideas come from simply living my life and having lots of âmeâ time.The Google offices actually encourage this by allowing their employees to spend an ample amount of time taking part in fun activities.
I would say the reason why this works is because youâre allowing your mind to ease by engaging in things that arenât directly related to what youâre trying to do, which is coming up with a creative idea. If you simply let go and have faith that your mind will come up with a solution subconsciously, it will eventually happen.
Maxwell Maltz in his book âPsycho Cyberneticsâ refers to this as the âsuccess mechanismâ
Onder HassanParticipantDepression is very common when in a relationship. I know because it has always been perhaps the main reason why the majority of my past relationships failed.
Being very young at the time, I would say it was all to do with lack of experience in not knowing how to effectively manage my emotions and feelings.When you genuinely love someone, that feeling is very easy to transform into obsession if it isnât managed properly. Itâs a very common condition, which affects many people.
You begin to develop jealousy, paranoia and a feeling of hopelessness where you almost feel lost without your partner. This results in neediness and anxiety issues.It wasnât until I was out of the relationship that i realized where I was going on and knew that the biggest thing I should have changed was my lifestyle.
Itâs very common for couples to give up most of their lifestyle in order to better fit their partner, and spend most of his/her time with them, which eventually starts to cause a strain in the relationship. Because of this massive strain, either one or both of them begins to feel heavily invested, which what begins kick starts the symptoms I mentioned above.
With this experience in mind, I understood that in order to keep a healthy perspective in your relationship, you MUST ensure that you lead a balanced life. Focus on a balanced lifestyle by incorporating things youâre happy with and one that makes you fulfilled. Take part in hobbies you enjoy, have ambition, spend time with friends and family and above all, your personal health.
If you do this, youâll find that your relationships will feel much better and not feel like you need to be in one in order to be happy. In other words, youâll be in it for the right reasons instead of in it due to wanting to fill a void in yourself.
If you can get in a place where you want your partner rather than need them in your life, then youâll have developed a solid foundation to build on.
Onder HassanParticipantWhat got me on the path to personal development was all due to the fact that i rarely had reasons to be happy and was always miserable.
I expected things in my life, which when it didnât come to be, would make me even more miserable. And it would put me in a downward spiral.
But it wasnât until i began to switch focus when i started to see what happiness for me was really about. I noticed that the more i did that helped other people, the more purposeful my life was and the more I felt useful as a human being.
I used to think that acquiring materialistic possessions and achievements would make me happy but it never did.
The trick is to do the things you love, challenge yourself and to essentially give in value to others. The more often you do this, the more wealthy youâll find your life will become.
It took me a while to figure it out and is something that is universally agreed upon by many others who end up living successful lives.
Onder HassanParticipantDiscovering your purpose is very possible and believe that weâre all here to fulfill it and to provide value to the world.
Weâre all unique for a reason and are here to find out what that uniqueness is and to eventually share it with the world. Itâs perhaps what makes life so interesting to live since every day is a new personal discovery. But only if we focus on making it so.
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