Hi Orchidia,

They say that the best advice is usually the most toughest. So I won’t hold back and am hoping you get to read this and understand that my advice is coming from a place of love.

Before giving you my advice, i’m going to lay it out with some background theory so that it gives you some perspective of where my advice comes from.

Whenever I look at people who are struggling with their relationships, it doesn’t take long to figure out why by looking at their current lifestyle and how they’re treating themselves. I never used to quite agree with this before because I myself was in the same place and was living in denial.

I was badly dressed, was a hermit, ate junk food and didn’t have many friends or hobbies. It wasn’t until years later as my self-esteem started improving how badly I was treating myself. And yet there I was, expecting the best from life without having truly earned it.

In short, if you want to attract high value things and people in your life, you have to treat yourself as high value

It’s easy to accept yourself as you are and for self-help circles to suggest the same, but this is just the foundation of what you need before you can grow. You can’t just accept yourself and not do anything in order to improve. After all, life is about growth and improvement.

So if you’re currently overweight, depressed and lacking in self-esteem. Then my advice to you would be to hit the gym, start watching your diet and taking care of your mind and general health. I’m guessing you want the best quality mate you can find. But a person like that will have options. Be honest with yourself. Why would they want to be with you versus anyone else?

The sexual market place is cut throat and ruthless. And If you’re getting the results currently getting, then thats the sexual marketplace working as it should be. If you want the best, then expect to work hard and continue improving yourself.

Don’t fall for the classic fallacy that a person should accept you for who you are. It makes sense logically, but you have to firstly want to be a better person if it’s to be the case. You can’t convince yourself of your flaws being flawless and expect others to do the same. I hope this doesn’t upset you. It is a bitter pill to swallow. It was for me, but it soon changed my life for the better.

So my advice: No, don’t get into another relationship until you’ve worked on yourself.

Good Luck,

Onder

Hi Chelsea,

I’m in the same position as you at the moment and have been without work for almost a year with no doors opening despite sending applications. I almost feel like a failure despite being educated and with some formal work experience. Being almost 30 in a few months, I feel like I have nothing to show for it and feel lost. I have since been managing my own blog as a way to vent my problems and to help others with similar issues. But the moral of my story is, you are not alone.

The hardest part anyone can do when suffering from hardship is to get yourself out of the mental rut you’re in and takes a long time to get over, particularly when things aren’t going the way you want it to.

The best solution i’ve found to help solve this problem is to simply appreciate your current situation and to see it all as a learning experience. Adversity is probably the most valuable thing we could ever experience in life as it’s usually in times like these that allow you to discover who you really are and to realise just how strong you can be.

Keep your head up and continue pushing forward. We are both going to come out the other side better people. Nothing bad lasts forever.

In my experience, I find the best way to come up with creative ideas is when I try not to think of coming up with one.
A lot of my best ideas come from simply living my life and having lots of ‘me’ time.

The Google offices actually encourage this by allowing their employees to spend an ample amount of time taking part in fun activities.

I would say the reason why this works is because you’re allowing your mind to ease by engaging in things that aren’t directly related to what you’re trying to do, which is coming up with a creative idea. If you simply let go and have faith that your mind will come up with a solution subconsciously, it will eventually happen.

Maxwell Maltz in his book ‘Psycho Cybernetics’ refers to this as the ‘success mechanism’ 🙂

What got me on the path to personal development was all due to the fact that i rarely had reasons to be happy and was always miserable.

I expected things in my life, which when it didn’t come to be, would make me even more miserable. And it would put me in a downward spiral.

But it wasn’t until i began to switch focus when i started to see what happiness for me was really about. I noticed that the more i did that helped other people, the more purposeful my life was and the more I felt useful as a human being.

I used to think that acquiring materialistic possessions and achievements would make me happy but it never did.

The trick is to do the things you love, challenge yourself and to essentially give in value to others. The more often you do this, the more wealthy you’ll find your life will become.

It took me a while to figure it out and is something that is universally agreed upon by many others who end up living successful lives.