Thank you so much for all these thoughtful responses. Zeph2280, it sounds like you are going through an even tougher time than me with your dad sick as well. It also sound like you and your boyfriend want very different things out of life, which is probably due to a mixture of personality and age. Often things I get excited about my boyfriend was getting excited about ten years ago hah. But I think the dynamics work in our relationship because we generally have the same values, interests, dreams.

I’ve thought about all the comments that have been left. I love and care for him as a lover and a friend. My life is definitely better with him in it and I am going to stand by him through this. I think Maggie and Inky’s comments about this being his brothers time now is spot on. It’s time to let go of the reigns a bit and take each day as it comes. Our relationship is not the main event right now. When I wrote my first post I think a lot of it came from a part of me that was fearful of rejection. I should be working on my inner strength and rising above this fear rather than giving in to anxieties and negative emotions. I also want to work on being independent and OK on my own. The purpose of being in a relationship isn’t just to alleviate loneliness!

My boyfriend told me last night that he was worried about our relationship mainly because he knows himself and how he tends to shut people out and become very solitary when he is grieving. I thought it was very honest and brave of him to explain this to me. I hope he doesn’t, but if he does there isn’t really much I can do. So in the end I think all I can do is work on calming my own mind and being a source of strength for him even if he chooses not to use it.

Thanks all for your advice and comments, it’s nice to know other people have the same issues! I think that patience is definitely the keyword here. and now that I think about it, patience could really help in other areas of my life too. What River said about not getting to experience much love growing up resonates too. My parents always showed me love but they aren’t very affectionate or romantic to each other and my brother is very closed/embarrassed about talking about love too. He’s almost thirty and not once talked to me about someone he fancies or anything like that. I think low self esteem also plays a big role. I guess I just don’t know how to behave when feelings for someone arise but from now on I’ll try to be patient and get to know the person as a friend before thinking about them as a lover.

Thanks, this has all been really helpful.