Amok, thank you for blaming the OP. Yes, it must be all her fault. REALLY?

So therefore it must have been my fault, too.

Yeah, I picked him. That WAS my fault.

While, for many men, “a little” porn might be mostly harmless, here are some red flag alerts she made in her brief note:

~ home alone with his daughters.

~ type and frequency.

~ on his phone.

~ fear he has other secrets.

~ her own hurt.

These are all indications that there is a larger problem than an occasional look at porn. I have looked at porn and enjoyed it. But if my partner said he was uncomfortable with it, it would not be an issue. I would surely not be hiding in a bathroom, to look at it. That is the difference. Also, while looking at porn, I always have in the back of mind a running dialogue about the source of the porn. If the woman posts pictures of herself, it is a lot different than if someone exploited her in the capturing of the image or video.

Women tend to be right in their fears concerning men. If she is alarmed enough to post, more than likely she is correct.

But reading your post, you won’t even be able to take this in…

because in your reality, it is the woman’s fault if the man is not satisfied.

Melissa, don’t let this kind of crap question your belief of what the situation is in your home. I am sorry for your situation, the pain you must be feeling, and the fact that others can come on here and diminish you or your feelings.

Please give us an update if you are willing…

You have every reason to be frightened and upset. Your husband is a broken man. He needs fixing, and your life is going to be hard until he is willing to do the work to be whole, present and safe…

My journey also started with discovering the porn. And the lies. And then the peeping Tom stuff, and then the history of inappropriate touch.

The addiction is not to porn. It is to having a secret. The porn is his format, his escape to numb his pain.

My husband has been in therapy for 12 years now. 10s of thousands of dollars, and he only started fully doing his work about 2 years ago.

Your husband was probably neglected and abused, and maybe was sexually abused. Your children may be in danger, if he chooses to act out, or has already. But unless he is in the truth, he won’t tell you. Doesn’t sound like he is…

The only way I was able to really get to the truth was to have him polygraphed.

Since you are now concerned with your children’s safety, leaving him in the house, is “failure to protect”. You can lose your kids if you fail to protect, so don’t mess with it.

Ask him to stay elsewhere RIGHT NOW. If he doesn’t leave immediately, and you think you can monitor, you can’t. Plus monitoring will bring out all your own craziness in the process. We picked these men, so therefore we have to own our own issues.

You can sort out financial crap, probably a big concern AFTER he is out. Invest in your kids’ safety now. Addiction is financially expensive.

This may sound like I am over reacting. But better safe than sorry.

I just went to my blog, and I encourage you to read it.

I don’t think I have written the final chapter yet, and I will next week.

But… it is great now. He did his work. He is a better person now than I will ever hope to be. My only regret is that I didn’t force the polygraph immediately.

If you contact a place called “A Step Forward” in Concord CA, they will put you in touch with me directly, if needed.