I admire your courage in asking for help. Don’t think that it’s not. Some people wouldn’t be able to ask for help like you just did, so that’s a step in the right direction. It seems that you are viewing your life as if the moon is obscured by clouds; it’s a dark filter over something that is truly beautiful, so you can’t see it. I assure you that it’s there, and I have been through a similar situation. It’s okay to feel sad, it’s okay to be lonely. You’re not a bad person if you’re afraid to ask for help or afraid of being judged; that’s only human nature. Your concerns are natural and appropriate. If you see a man who is sick, do you blame him for being sick? Of course not. You are sick, dear friend, and having been through a similar situation I can tell you that sometimes you must ask for help. I was stuck at the bottom of a dark pit without a ladder, and I couldn’t climb out on my own. If you have that dark filter over your eyes, those clouds obscuring the moon so it’s impossible to see, you need external help to remove it.

When I went to therapy, I was worried. I didn’t want to sit and talk about “feelings.” I didn’t want someone to tell me to just think positive and that I should stop being self destructive. I didn’t want to be judged. It wasn’t like that at all. I had all of these false expectations of what it would be like just because I was scared. Therapy saved my life, and that’s where I learned so many important skills that I still use to manage my mind. Friend, you need somebody to place the ladder in the pit. Please don’t be ashamed of that. I needed help too, and many other people needed help, and it’s so worth it. I know it’s scary, but I want to challenge you to take that step. Do it, try it out for even just a month. If you don’t like it or don’t think it’s helping, you can stop. But you’ll never know until you try.

I know how hard it is to hear and understand when people are trying to tell you how much they love you. It’s one of the hardest things in the world. Accept that there are clouds over the moon right now, and you must clear them away before you can truly see. It’s unfair to yourself to try to judge yourself right now when your vision isn’t clear.