That you are questioning your choice at all leads me to think that your heart might be in studying medicine. My ex-husband is a doctor and I was with him through medical school and residency, so it is challenging. Your hesitation is understandable because it is a big commitment. However, it would not be surprising if many doctors were nervous about the challenges of medical school. They did it anyway, because that is where their heart was. Yes, you may be fulfilled and enjoy your OT career, and that is fine if you stay there. Just don’t let fear be the deciding factor of whether you apply for med school.

I have experience with going back to school. In my early 30s, I moved to a foreign country where I did not know the language and began studying post grad in a field where I felt I had some technical weaknesses. I was nervous. I have never slept so little, had so many ups and downs, felt so frustrated, made so many awesome friends, experienced so many unbelievable positive things, learned so much about myself. The negatives pass, but the positives will remain for life.

If you have not applied due to lack of interest, then you may truly have no desire to study medicine. And if you have no desire, it will be a frustrating waste of time. There has to be some passion. If it is fear, however- then that is the most unfortunate reason.

Hello. I am sorry that you are going through this, but it may be a necessary step in your progression towards discovering who you are. It seems like you are beginning to question your relationship, whereas in the past you may have taken how you and he relate for granted or perhaps there was so much going on (i.e. alcoholism) that you did not have the energy or time to question things.

It is not your responsibility to get him to a shrink, that is his problem. But, it is your responsibility to get yourself to a shrink. This may help you to make sense of things and may give you the ability to see your life from new perspectives.

To me, the most interesting point in your post was where you mentioned that you and he were both alcoholics and your relationship was better then. Perhaps your relationship was a codependent one, where you both could enable each other as alcoholics. You freed yourself from that “prison”, and evolved onwards, but maybe the relationship did not evolve onwards. As well, it could be that you both needed each other during your alcohol years just to survive, and that you were there for each other to make it through the day. Now, that you both are living sober, you may not need each other in the same way. However, you may be able to relate each other in different ways, but you both would have to discover that together.

Another question to ponder is how did you both begin drinking? Were you both doing it together? Was it an escape from oppressing or overwhelming problems? If it was a way to escape, what did you both need to escape from? Has that issue been resolved for you both? Because it seems like he is still escaping, but now he is running away rather than drinking away. What is he running from? I do not think it is you, I think it is something inside him or from his past.

I think the key may lie in the alcoholism. Now that you define yourself differently, you must also define your relationship differently. And he also has to want to define the relationship and even himself differently.

You cannot force him to change, you can only change yourself. Perhaps if you met with a therapist, you would be able to see things more clearly and value the special qualities that you bring into this world.