Wow Anita, you are uncanny in your interpretations. Yes, everything you’ve said is completely accurate. I have been through a lot in my childhood and young adulthood (I’ve never even talked about my father and stepfather but those were also very unhealthy relationships). My mom is both my rock and also someone who has exposed me to a LOT of pain. I’m thankful that now that my grandmother has passed, 2 years ago this month, and we have been freed of my disgusting uncle, and we have found a very peaceful and loving relationship between she and I. My mom is finally free, and it’s transformed her into the person I always wanted her to be. I can’t be mad at her for the past, I forgive her for everything because she deserved so much better from people in her life. She’s taken responsibility for the pain she’s caused me, and I feel like we can move forward. It’s nice to feel like I have something to contribute to my daughter’s family besides just myself. My mom has a way with children and my daughter really enjoys being with her. The man I married and his family are giving both my mom and I a second chance to feel like we belong and are part of a loving family. I’m so thankful for that.

What you said about me having trouble with conflicts and speaking my mind is so very true. I just was talking to my husband about that very thing. How any time there’s something I need to say no to with friends or anyone, I find it nearly impossible. I am so afraid of making someone angry. I’ve compromised myself in so many ways just to avoid conflict. It’s frustrating because I always saw myself as someone like a warrior (especially after all that I’ve overcome in my life) but in truth I’m so weak and timid because of this gnawing fear that I’ll have someone mad at me, or someone cut me out of their life and cast me aside. It’s something I’m struggling with very much and am actually in therapy to try to resolve.

Thank you Anita. I’m just worried now that I’ll be banned from this forum or something. I really enjoy coming here, not just to ask my own questions but to read and comment on other posts as well. It’s frustrating that my post was flagged and I hope it doesn’t have some other consequence now. 🙁

Hi Anita,

Thank you for your input. Yes, you hit the nail on the head about Trump. He is nothing short of a danger. I mainly just try to stick to posts that are fact-checked and undeniably awful, as I would hope anyone with common sense will see how absolutely terrible Trump is for this country as well as the world and our democracy. And I was guilty of generalizing at first, saying things like “Anyone who supports this needs to reevaluate…” etc. But when my first friend mentioned that, I really put an end to that way of speaking, and tried to stick to my own beliefs and feelings, such as my second example of why I think Biden is a decent human being. Or why I believe taking climate change seriously is so important right now. I am really making the effort to have one on one discussions when people don’t see eye to eye, as I know that no one’s mind will change from reading a Facebook post. But you’re right, people who support Trump will not be swayed no matter what, and that’s where I’m starting to question these friendships a little. It’s not so much that everyone needs to agree with me, but our values are quite different and I am really shocked at some of the things Trump does that they acknowledge and SUPPORT (i.e. immigration, foreign policy, tax cuts for the rich). I think all parties (my friends and I) are struggling with this part. We love each other and are loyal friends but WOW we are very differently minded now.

I agree, now that we all know where we stand, that the best thing for our friendship is not to discuss politics. BUT my problem is I wasn’t even discussing it with them originally. I was expressing myself on my own page and they took offense when it wasn’t directed towards them at all, ever. So now I’ve gone and removed myself entirely from Facebook because I care that much about not wanting to cause offense. But I’m feeling a bit cheated like I wasn’t even writing those things FOR THEM specifically, just for myself and to speak my own mind. Now I am just turned off to social media in general but feel like I need to find another way to speak out… and probably a more constructive way to do so. It also just leaves a bad taste in my mouth knowing that my friends are secretly ok with this. Funny enough, neither one is politically outspoken, which is why they both took it up with me in private mostly. I guess the old saying is true, never discuss religion, politics or money with friends.

Anita, each time I come onto this forum, I’m blown away by the care and time you give to so many people. The fact that you would take time out of your night to research this speaks volumes about what an empathetic person you are. Truly, I appreciate it. I don’t know where you are or how old you are, or if you’ve gone through menopause yet yourself, but you’ve put more effort into comforting me about this than some of my best friends. Thank you again. You are right, the “risks” are basically aging faster. And though the term seriously sucks, all ovaries eventually fail at some point. It doesn’t mean my body is broken. As I mentioned, this has motivated me to approach a healthier lifestyle, which can only help, no matter what. As for medical treatment, I’m still searching for answers. I didn’t mention it before, but my mother had a stroke at just 40 years old due to birth control. And I’ve never wanted to go on it..now I’m facing possibly long-term hormonal treatment which makes me anxious. But I have to weigh the benefits a d risks. Thank you for listening.❤️

Thank you Anita. I thought about your post all night. In attempting to respond I had a relalization. To answer your question, no I have not asked her about her change in behavior. I don’t think I will because I have learned in life that people will treat you how they choose to treat you. Asking to have it change seems to only make the situation more awkward because they usually become defensive. This has happened to me before when trying to express myself to others. I’m trying to be at a stage where I feel comfortable telling people my needs but past experience is holding me back as it has not been successful. It usually leads to a fight. I think perhaps it’s time to accept that friendships do change and as you said, when a friend becomes a mother it does change things. I have to accept my limitations to meet my friend’s needs that I can no longer meet, and accept that she also is not meeting my needs. I suppose it doesn’t mean we can’t be friends at all but that change is inevitable and I can’t try to hold on to something and prevent it from changing. Perhaps in time we will find a way to rekindle that close friendship.  But I suspect things will go smoother if I meet these changes with acceptance rather than resistance. What do you think? I very much value your opinion as I see you give such wonderful advice to so many people in need of a good and compassionate listener. Thank you.

I also want to add that he and my aunt are not hurting for money. They are both professionals, their daughter got a full ride to college, and they own a home with rental income.

My mom on the other hand is alone and disabled and managed to help put me through college by herself.

Hes a greedy pig.