@anita

1. It was material things like toys and clothes. One case was I wanted a cuckoo clock so badly but it was expensive my parents couldn’t afford it, so I cry loudly in front of the shop and people was looking at me.

2. I remembered one day they brought me to look for my birthday present, I couldn’t find what I wanted and I got angry, I was quiet while on the way home (complained a little too like one sentence word)

3. When I was younger I would show my appreciation to mom, saying words like I love you, and hug her when I wanted to. During the rebellious period in high school, my mom scolded and nagged me if I’m not doing my homework, or being lazy. And I would fight back just for the sake of it. Mom expected me to get good grades, so she sent me for tuition classes for most of the subjects. My student life was full of study and tuition, I wasn’t happy about that. Also during my high school period, my personality slowly changed to more introvert and conservative type due to some unhappy incident.

@anita

While having a relationship issue I was having self-development issue at the same time. Staying with my overprotective parents has limited my growth in becoming an independent adult (I’m still relying on them when encountering issues, and staying with parents has limited my choices such as getting a car, I still don’t know to drive at the age of 26 because dad stops me from driving). There is a lack of bonding between my family members. I only talked to my brother about once/twice a year and my parents are constantly working hard to earn more money, they have a mindset of money is everything and didn’t emphasize in family bonding or happiness. Overall I’m not satisfied with my relationship with family as well.

To reply with your question, no I haven’t moved out yet, but I’m moving soon probably this month.

#anita

I had 6 psychotherapy sessions in total.

To go in detail about my anxiety, my first panic attack happened 6 years ago, it was at the end of an emotionally abusive relationship with my first ex (A). After the end of the relationship, my self-esteem has been never been that low, I started to have self-hatred, blame myself over the failed relationship and has been doubting myself. It took me about 8 months to heal until I was getting closer with the current ex (B) and started a relationship with him. B is always the warmest and cheerful guy, we had a great time together and I had some of the fondest memories with him.

We graduated from college and started our working life during our 3rd year of the relationship. Throughout few years working in the same company, I have a crush on 4 of my coworkers respectively and I felt intensely guilty on myself. I’m extremely against to be involved in an affair because I suffered from it during my first relationship, yet I still wanted to be with my ex. It was when the anxiety starts striking back to me. I forced myself not to view co-workers as a romantic interest but it just happened. I then seek help from therapist, till then I found out that the reason I had crush with my coworkers is I’m not satisfied in this relationship. Another reason which contributed to the anxiety was the lack of self-development, poor communication with family and I had only a few friends, which results in me overly depending on my ex for my emotional support. So in the end of the therapy, I’ve concluded that to end my anxiety I have to :

1) Move out from family to live alone (self-development)
2) To make more friends (more support system)
3) Break up if I’m not satisfied

I didn’t proceed to any of the solutions because I’ve been in comfort zone with my ex. Our relationship then went downhill until 2 weeks ago, he initiated the breakup due to my bad attitude towards him.

If you’re still reading this, thank you for being so patient. Hope to hear from you soon after your 18-hour break.

Cheers

#anita

Thank you for your insightful comment. Perhaps sometimes we have to learn from the hard way. Is there any method you would recommend for healing? I would like to take a few years time for the healing and self-development before entering another relationship in future.

Thank you again.

#HeyItsJess

Thank you for your suggestion. I started journaling about my feeling and let’s see if I’m able to dig deeper the reason behind the breakup.