I understand you, and I forgive you – who you are no longer affects who I am.

I am not always happy, but for me the good moments outweighs the bad. At the end of the day, I am happy regardless, but I like the feeling of sharing my life with her – the good, the bad, the ugly.

We don’t hesitate on the good; We support each other for the bad; As for the ugly, that is a judgment call … Sometimes, I choose to deal with the ugly myself because it is my own personal struggle, and I don’t want to bring her into it. I know she would be there to support me, but part of me doesn’t want her to worry about it.

I guess I have never really question the big things. I know that I we will be there for each other. We value each other and we share the same values – love, trust, respect, communication, etc.

Honestly, it is the small things that can sometimes be the bigger issue, and at times, it is a bit ridiculous.

For example, I don’t really like sleeping next to someone because I get really hot. On the other hand, she somehow thinks that if I don’t hold her or have some form of contact with her when we are sleeping means that I am growing distant. We used to fight about this all the time until I just finally gave in and now I find that if I am not holding her, it feels weird and I can’t sleep as well – go figure.

I remember a time when she woke me up in the middle of the night by slapping me in the face. I was so furious that I shoved her off the bed – not my proudest moment, but I was pissed since I had no idea what was going on. It turns out she had a dream that I cheated on her, and she was hurt and crying. We dealt with it and went back to bed – she apologized in the morning, but I was somehow still at fault for giving her the bad dream.

She likes shoes; No, scratch that, she has an obsession that I can’t understand. She has a whole closet of them and she will still end up buying more. I finally had to put my foot down where if she buys a brand new pair of shoe then she has to give two away to charity.

I try to do little things around the house to help out – take out the trash, wash the dishes at night, clean up, etc … little things really. It just keeps the peace, but she allows me to have my quiet time as I like to go running or biking after work.

I guess all I am really saying is that for me – the important things, our values, are never really questioned so in that sense it is really easy to be with her. The small things, the annoyances, the differences in personality and lifestyle are things that are harder, but I guess I wouldn’t really change them because it things interesting.

I know a few people that gets into relationships thinking – I will be a better man/woman for you because I love you.

I look at it differently; I am me … simply and always. I will be a better man for me … for myself. However, I am a better man because of her.

Around 10 years ago, I was standing in front of my college apartment. I call it an apartment, but it was a really a small house that I was renting with my friend Nicky; I have spent the last 30 minutes trying to remember/find the address for that house, but it eludes me. It is weird the things you forget, and the things you remember.

I remember that it was a particularly chilly December night at around 2 in the morning, and the stars seemed so unusually bright and the night’s quiet extraordinarily profound. The night was peaceful, but I was not. I felt lost and direction-less, frightened of the uncertainties in my own future, and bitter that life had not worked out according to my plans.

You see, a few months back, the plan was for me to graduate on time and to start my career; I had been interning with this company for the past two years, and I had a permanent position line up upon graduation. However, due to departmental budget cuts and a scheduling conflict that was beyond my control, I was required to stay an extra semester at school. I lost that job offer.

During that extra semester, I faced a constant string of rejections, and I really started questioning my career path and life choices. I put a lot of pressure on myself to get it ‘right‘ this time around because I felt that I had let my parents and myself down. However, it seemed that no matter what I do or how hard I worked, it didn’t amount to anything; I was damned if I do and damned if I don’t.

So on that chilly night in December, I was feeling particularly sorry for myself because I hadn’t landed another job and my future outlook seemed bleak. After standing around for 20 minutes, it got colder and I realized I needed to pee, but I remember thinking that I wasn’t ready to go inside because I wasn’t done feeling sorry for myself. It was the ridiculousness of this thought that finally woke me up, and I bursted out laughing.

I was a child throwing a tantrum at the unfairness of the world, and I was acting like an idiot. I was putting so much pressure on myself to find a good job with a good company that offers good pay along with challenging work and great people – an ideal job that I felt I had to get right now! I had the rest of my life to look forward to, but I was so stuck on that first step that I was paralyzed by fear and self-pity.

I went to bed that night feeling better than I had in weeks. My situation didn’t change, but my mentality certainly had. I figured I would wrap up the remainder of my days at college, go back up north to enjoy the holidays, and then tackle the job situation afterwards. The very next day my car was rear-ended by another driver while I was waiting at a stoplight.

While everyone else was heading back for the holidays, I was stuck waiting for my car to get fixed. During that time, I received an out-of-the-blue phone call for a job interview with a local company. It was fortunate that I hadn’t yet left for the holidays so the company scheduled me for an in-person interview right away. For the actual interview, I actually tried to talk my way out of the job as I felt I was under-qualify, and additionally I felt like I was cheating because I didn’t actually apply for the job and instead the company found me.

I think the President of the company appreciated the fact that I was so upfront during the whole process, and he had more faith in my abilities than I did. Two days after the interview, I received an official offer letter in the mail, and I decided to accept the position fully knowing that I didn’t know what I was doing.

It has been around 10 years since. In that time, I have worked for startups, worked for non-profits, worked for the government, worked in the NFL, succeeded in starting my own business, and failed at setting up other businesses. I have taken a year-and-a-half off from work to travel around the world, and I have encountered countless moments similar to that chilly December night where I stood at a crossroad of indecision not knowing what the future will bring and feeling utterly hopeless and despondent.

Oftentimes, I wonder how my life would have turned out had things went according to my original plan. If only one single thing in a series of events had turn out differently – what if I had graduated on time, what if I hadn’t submitted my resume through the career website, what if I had not been rear-ended before the winter holidays, what if I hadn’t stepped outside of the house on that December night.

We all make mistakes; We all fall. Plans don’t always work out and sometimes that is for the better. All we can do is try to move forward and trust that it will all somehow work out.

Do what you can; Have faith in everything else.

• This reply was modified 9 years, 10 months ago by Alex.

Hi Ash,
I have a few questions for you. I apologize if they seem intrusive, but I am trying to better understand your situation. The questions are as follow:

Are you comfortable being yourself and like yourself regardless of the situation?
How do you view your friends? Do you respect them and if so what do you respect about them?
How do you think your friends would describe you?