Hello fellow traveler:

You know when it’s time to call it quits when:

You realize you’re a completely different person inside the relationship then you are interacting with the world outside it, and you don’t like that inside version very much. (This can be confirmed with friends who’ve seen you with your partner and without; if they confirm you become someone they don’t recognize within your relationship, it’s probably time.)

You don’t enjoy spending time together. Whether that’s yelling at a concert, reading in silence, traveling or staying home, your time together needs to be something to look forward to. If you don’t, and you spend your time together wondering what else there is, or why this moment isn’t working, it’s time to call it.

You used to see the best possible version of yourself in their eyes; now you only see them seeing all the ways you fall short. Also, you used to see the best possible version of them in who they are, and now you don’t.

Someone keeps leaving. I think partnership is people standing together and looking in the same (hopefully forward) direction, and then moving together towards it, one steadying the other when they stumble, enjoying the journey. Hitting the reset button on a relationship repeatedly is like going back to the start of that path over and over and over. You see the same landscape, you see your own footprints. You don’t necessarily see anything new.

I hope you both find what makes you happy, whatever that is.