hi anita,

To update you on my previous post: The same boyfriend is still part of my life. We lived together through the summer, but have created some distance now, which is an attempt to help build some security and trust. The sexual issues came to a boiling point, and we’ve really had to work together since then. That’s going ok, he is working on being more vulnerable and intimate. It is true we get along well as friends.

To answer your question about my therapist: I have been having regular sessions with him for almost 2 years. We meet twice a week now. He is a psychoanalyst, so things usually get psychoanalytical very quickly. I may say “I just can’t seem to get the dishes done” and we will end up talking about a particular teacup that I dislike. Other times we have more pertinent conversations. Overall, I enjoy my conversations with him very much. I have struggled in figuring out how to better direct our sessions together.

I do not know in what way I am suffering or how I would even address it. I intended to include something in my original post that I will tell you now that may give some insight.

When I am at my saddest, I usually end up returning to the same thoughts. Those thoughts are usually in the form of wishes, and I am essentially wishing for a family. I am embarrassed of this, but I often wish that some motherly woman would show up and take me home with her. I think about her and I making dinner together. I guess I am tired of being responsible for taking care of myself. This fantasy mother is appealing because I want to be seen and I want someone to rely on. I am afraid I cannot find this, or that I am too old to receive this type of thing.