Dear Anita,

No we don’t live together or have a child. But we live in the same neighbourhood (he used to be my high-school junior) . Yes there is possibilities that we might bump into each and other due to this. Practically nothing ties me to him. None of his family members or mine knows bout this relationship. In the sense of finance, I did get into some debts using my credit card to get some stuff for him bu that again I have no issue, it can be sorted.

I know this relationship is harmful but I cant seem to let him go. I’m emotionally attached to him. The moment he threatens me that he will go n look for someone else to replace me. I can’t take it and I feel very terrible. I practically go crazy and very emotionally down. I want to get out of this relationship but at the same time I feel terrible to do it.

Besides that,yes I am scared of his words. Its so terrible where it makes me feel so horrible bout myself and at times question myself. I kind of lost my ability to see things clearly where I started feeling I’m the problem for all the issues. He’s very good in manipulating situations and everything. Once I tried to avoid him as what my friends suggested. He started harassing me by calling me n trashing me which literally made me breakdown at work place. He threatened me  that he would come over to my work place or either go to my family & trash me over there.

Even  if I manage to avoid him, I’m afraid that he might harass me once I start moving on  exactly like how it happened in the tattoo issue. He broke up but came back accusing me for cheating on him.

But mainly I think it’s my feelings for him that’s giving me such a tough time to let go. I dont want to be controlled by him but yet I fall into that again and again.

Dear Anita,

Your input definitely makes sense dear. I think the situation you explained is something he really went through. And now I understand things clearly. But I just can’t seem to move out of this. One is I think I feel really bad for him and I just can’t seem to take the steps to end this. I feel like I’m going through hell to end this. To tell him off. I don’t understand why I’m so scared to hurt him or even to move on. Or at times I feel like it’s me refusing to give up even after knowing that this will really ruin me in long term. Even I had my friends advising me on this but I’m having a tough time. Anyway dear Anita I’ve got to say this to you, your really doing a good job & really a god sent help. Really appreciate this effort of yours.

Shini

Dear Anita,

Thanks for the reply.

1.  Can you explain to me what you mean by him creating an issue to be with you: did he not want you to go the birthday party, or did he want to go with you to the party

He never liked me going for the birthday party and usually creates a havoc or fight so that I will not go for the party. If I insist on going he will start sending me messages & threaten me he will go out with others .

2. Can you tell  me how he found out that you went to get a tattoo with a male friend of yours?

Well it was me. I finished my tattoo & he kept calling me multiple times & sent me email that he needed his documents which is in my car for his new  job. So I answered his calls, told him im out  & he started harassing me over the phone. He wanted his documents & wanted me to pass it over. The moment I went over , he became very violent & punched me asking me the details on the tattoo & with whom i went to get it. I didn’t tell him the details since I was in fear  & told I went alone but he called the tattoo studio & got the information . It was a huge havoc.

3. What are his threats and what are his insults? What is the “etc.”: what else is he doing to you?

His threatens me that he wants to sleep around with others. He have sent me screenshot of messages where he tried asking them out through social medias. Mostly the threats are such which involves ruining the relationship & sex related as that really hurts me. Approaching different girls & sending me their conversations.Another way he threatens me, is to tarnish me in front of my parents as he’s very good in manipulating. He have insulted me about my looks & appearance ( as he’s good looking), my education  level ( as im a adv diploma graduate & his a degree grad),my age ( he calls me an old faggot). He practically abuses me with foul words. Even I tried to make up to him , he went to the extend of blocking me on his birthday without giving me a chance to meet him or even wish him & came back to me at the end of day accusing of being the reason of having the worst birthday but in fact he celebrated & had a good time in office(based on what he told me with pictures).Even hes not with me I am not allowed to go out anywhere , if he gets to know I have to go through hell. Which happened recently,where I was depressed being locked in the house & finally went to meet my friends (girls who connected back to me after 10 yrs due to misunderstanding from past relationship). He started the same thing kept calling me & accusing me of  b******* with someone, so I told him Im with my gf’s & he can come see as Im not doing anything wrong. He came over & got extremely agitated as he saw my friends who was connected to my past & started insulting me front of them by uttering inappropriate things. He does everything says sorry & expect me to be normal. If I dont react to what hes doing immediately he will start abusing me verbally & recently he approached me . He said sorry & wanted to get back to me but I told him I need my space & life back as he is always too busy & Im so dependent on him .I wanted to go for classes & get back to my passion as I let it go for him since he made me to make a choice between my passion & him. He started again comparing me with his ex gf & saying that she lived for him & what he missed looking at me.

I clearly understand I have a part on things turning bad in the relationship but I went through too much in fact I got physically abused for the mistakes too.I tried my best to make things work & be a good gf but I failed & I feel like a trash. When I try to do things to make myself okay , he doesnt allow me to do so & I dont understand why I am being so scared & obliged to him. Im not sure if I am also having problem with myself (mentally & emotionally),if I get an opinion from a 3rd party maybe I will be able to seek for help.

Shini,

Thank you,