Dear Hellelia,

This isnt weakness actually. Sounds more like you may be experiencing symptoms of mild depression if this has been going on for a number of weeks atleast. I agree with Peppermint that you need some kind of counselling support. I had started having depressive tendencies in college itself and this got worse as the pressure, tendency to compare myself with others, isolation and perfectionism increased. I had a meltdown when my friends moved out and i had the final year left. I was very alone then and this aggravated things for me. Its great that you are actively involved on forums and internet but real life support is totally different actually to relax you. I read a little bit about your home situation when i replied on the new member thread – it seems you feel disconnected from family and have a tough time making friends.

I would say the basic, rather counter-intuitive thing you can do right now is to start doing the thing you dont want to do – go outside for a walk, listen to music and simply keep walking, start getting more exercise…This will lift your mood and give you more energy over time. Also, really open up to someone if you can – maybe that sister of yours who has now made lot of friends around the world? Maybe she will understand how you feel. Find out if there are any local art film viewings or film clubs you could participate in. You seem to enjoy good movies, it would be a great way to connect with people with same interests.

My point is, don’t label yourself as “weak” or lacking in something – the problem isnt you, the problem is the lack of balance right now. Breaking out of this shell despite the anxiety will help in the long-run.

With regards to your question about what i do when i feel “weak”, i usually go for a walk alone, i read the letters i wrote to myself when i was positive and upbeat about life, i chat with a free counselor on yourdost.com – i am very active on a question-answer site called quora.com – there are number of ways to deal with it really but i feel you need to deal with the real issue first.

See some guidance from a professional or a trusted family member if possible.

Regards,
Nina

Hey Helleia,

You’re spot on – That was one of my favorite anime growing up 😀 I am more like Ayu though by nature 😛 This is my thread basically –

Critical Parents

Do check it out when you get time 🙂

Regards,
Nina

Hey helleia,

I would like to know more about you as well. I am been very shy too most of my life and was bullied quite a bit in school over my appearance, reserved nature. Parents too were rather introverted by default and never quite encouraged much socializing, just focus on studies mainly. It has improved though since college but i still struggle with anxiety of this type. read my thread and you will get an idea

Hey Butterfly,

I feel the same after a breakup last year – there was too much history, we tried to be in touch but it got painful, especially for him because I had moved on so soon. Then we decided to maintain very less or no contact. He got busy with his work, I ended up changing messenger numbers for other reasons but eventually kept him in the loop through an email – he isnt on my social media anymore though – just that one messenger.

I understand now why keeping space despite an amicable breakup is necessary – time to heal and let go of bitterness, resentment if any is important. It will never be the same again but time makes it easier. Only you will know with time whether this person is worth staying friends with – the first guy I dated seriously seriously really hurt me and never apologized in the end and hence I say his true colours. I cut him out after the breakup tbough he later wanted to be friends. I just couldn’t trust him.

So basically, you gotta decide whether this person is someone you want to keep in touch with? I wouldn’t suggest all out meeting and regular talking though when you are trying to move on from things and dating other people until it’s like 1-2 years after atleast.

The rest you will know best based on your situation 🙂

Hey J,

Yep it is hard especially for us twenty something’s trying to make our way into the real world. Sometimes I am amazed at how my parents made it so well despite their circumstances. The sad reality now is many are in that same state as you and this feeling of jealousy is normal. I feel it too sometimes when I see my old classmates with fancy fat paying jobs or someone off to study in the US with a scholarship etc. Or someone with amazing looks and bodies and job…lol I feel like ugh, why why??? The funny thing is, my best friend feels the same way though in my eyes, she is doing well…I guess that insecurity is just there that oh crap, I am getting older, I gotta figure my shit out, oh my God look everyone is moving ahead except me.

Tell you what, don’t beat yourself up too much. Things will improve but you gotta make a choice or two about what you want to do next – where you want to go or atleast how you can figure out where your interest lies and if it pays enough.

The best way to do that would be to talk to people in that industry, try an entry level job there or observe your friends working there. A number of options are there but you gotta get out of this mindset that you are stuck and this is the end, no, think rather that you are a frog now thrown into milk and you gotta keep moving moving, churning the milk until it turns to something creamy and get out, don’t give up and drown.

And yep, parents, family sometimes give us a hard time. But they love us too at the end of the day and want us to be happy, secure. That’s just her way of expressing it.

You will figure something out eventually.

Yes iat’s hard but not at all impossible.

And you are not alone in feeling this.

https://medium.com/@misonora/im-in-my-twenties-c339f65f3539#.ks567cne4