Dear Lav K,

Not necessarily, it’s all relative.

Good people can have both good and bad happen to them. Same for bad people.

Can I say that the good people always have more of the bad than the good? Who knows, can’t really give a logical estimate on this. However it is not necessary that good people will always get what they want by virtue of being good – one needs to be practical and diplomatic too to last in this world with its curveballs and misfortunes. Same goes for bad – they will have their set of problems too in other aspects of their life while they thrive in others.

Thinking about who wins or loses is counter-productive. all I can say is when one focuses too much on what is happening to the bad and less on their own life, then their energy is automatically stuck, their mind less clear and response more distorted as per the situation.

The Gita provides one answer to finding peace despite this entire worldly cycle – Karma Yoga. This means to do ones duties without expectations of good or bad.

Failure, sorrow and disappointment will all hit us all in some form. Being good will not shield us from it but yes, it will put our own conscience at ease. We can be at peace with ourselves by doing what’s right as per our principles.

I know this isn’t much of an answer. I hope the others have further to add.

Regards
Nina

Dear U,

Of course it will hurt like hell. It hurt me too to hurt him like this but it hurt the relationship more that I was staying on when my heart just wasn’t there. A part of it is immaturity but a huge part of it was the death of love. Accepting that death and moving on from it was something that had to be done. It wasnt easy though – we stayed in touch, I wanted to be there for him but I often cried when I thought of how much I hurt him. But I was resolute because the commitment was truly gone from my part. He would act all normal in the beginning when we texted and then get angry, accusatory and just lash out at me saying I used him etc I wish he understood this wasn’t an easy choice. Now he does thankfully. Keeping distance from eachother and moving forward with our lives has helped.

I did meet someone else bdw afterwards and thought we were casual initially thanks to some shit circumstances in which we met, we fell in love. He is very different from my ex and it’s been quite a while since we got serious but this time I thought things through before I entered into a new relationship. Though the spark phase is gone now and we have gone long distance, I want to be with him – there is that component which was missing previously that’s there in this relationship.

Will it last?

Gosh I hope so, I will try my best but is there a guarantee about feelings from anyone’s side?

Nope but we gotta take a leap of faith with love. Some love stories arent meant to be but that doesn’t mean there weren’t amazing moments, there weren’t moments of learning.

Every woman isn’t like your ex – that’s your hurt talking. I know you were hoping you would have the same story as your married buddies but perhaps that’s just what you think you want, it’s not what you need.

Now you have more clarity and you gotta give yourself the time to heal through the pain, the confused, angry emotions and you will be mad at her for quite a while – some of it will make sense, some of it won’t…

Time heals things though.

Let life take its course. You will never know what’s up next.

Regards
Nina

Hey colorpopz,

I know it’s hard now and you are hurting though you are trying hard to feel normal.

It will be a while before you really do.

The memories are still strong and people don’t have magic switches to turn on and switch off feelings.

If it was meant to be, it would have worked – otherwise maybe someone else is meant for you, just that these set of experiences will provide you with more maturity, perspective to see that when it happens.

Be glad you had something magical and wonderful memories. Say your goodbye and really let him go – stopping contact for a while is the best way to disengage.

Then there’s diving straight into your own life and circle of family, friends and activities.

The nights you feel like crying will come, the time in campus you will remember something and feel like crying will come but hold on despite it…this too shall pass.

Regards,
Nina

Dear Birdy,

I admire how you are handling your own matters at such a young age. Truth be said, what you are feeling is normal actually and this disconnect is more glaring for you because you miss connection and companionship.

It’s hard being alone. I won’t shy away from saying this and I don’t buy the whole we have to stop needing people in our life to be “independent” – we are inter-dependant to be precise and need someone to understand and connect though of course, we can do most things on our own.

Maybe you could head to a local religious center and share your thoughts with an elderly person there, sort of like a kind and friendly soul…not asking to become religious, more like just to have a friendly, sensible and caring person to talk to…maybe go help out at a children’s home..when I was away from everyone and feeling anxious, disconnected, that effort to drag myself out of the house every week to see the kids, spend time with them was somehow really spirtiually uplifting. Most of them have really tragic backgrounds but somehow their strength, laughter and the happy energy of little kids brings me to life and makes me feel less alone somehow.

I know it feels weird to do things alone and most of these friends are at a different stage in their life but I think having just 1-2 meaningful connection really helps.

Having just someone over for simple activities makes things more bearable.

Regarding perfectionism and anxiety, many of us have this problem but I think with time and social support, you will feel more relaxed. Tthe whole grade 0 thing….well I had this habit of ripping off pages the moment I made 1 mistake in a spelling or something here and there – I was that um….perfectionist

So you ain’t alone in this at all 🙂

I am kinda curious though, what happened at 15? What do you mean by cultural issues?

Hope to hear from you soon.

– Nina

PS – I have no unified scientific or religious or Marxist doctrine to explain everything about the world. Some things are predictable, some aren’t and we just gotta live with that uncertainty of life, incomplete information beyond a certain point. I don’t trust every detail the media tells us though because the news can be often biased and evades actual trends. To avoid disappointment thanks to unfulfilled expectations, or to accept them better, the best route for me has simply been to exercise a calmner, dispassionate state of mind and look at things more from a grey point of view rather than rigid frameworks for every situation.

I hope you find the answers for yourself as well through whichever route suits you best.

“The only permanent thing is change”

Regards,
Nina

Hello,

I would prefer being neither too open nor too closed as my reaction would vary depending on the person and the situation.

Open up accordingly on the basis of your own judgement rather than the advice of your friend or any stranger for that matter. You are on the right track it seems.

Regards
Nina

Peter,

Change comes from within and the world begins to look different though it is still the same.

How this change comes differs from person to person.

Regards,
Nina