Dear Anita and theDaydreamer,

thank you for your replies!

The article about helplessness was interesting. It’s true that I often give up before I even try.
I’m not sure, if the part about a close person who suffers from a personality disorder applies to me though. But the second example with the woman and her father sound somewhat familiar. My relationship with my father was not always easy when I was a child. He can be very pessimistic and critical and he didn’t have too much patience with an unreasonable child, but I don’t know if he actually has a personality disorder. Also I thought that I had moved on from this. Now our relationship is much better and I can also see and appreciate what he has done for me and our family and I realize, that he is only human. But if I think about it, when I visit my parents I still sometimes feel a tension when something doesn’t go his way, and I then try to please him.

It is also true that I am very self-critical. I already tried not to think so negatively about myself, but sometimes I still do it and I repeat those thoughts like a mantra. I definately need to work on that. Counseling is a good idea. This morning I went to the doctor and talked about my problems. So hopefully I can find a therapist soon (which she told me is not easy in this city).
Thanks again for your help!

niike.