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January 5, 2015 at 8:53 pm in reply to: Post brak-up blues – Give it one more try? Confused!! #70655Nick M.Participant
Archie,
Usually when we invest a lot of effort into something (specifically people in this case) we do begin to grow sort of feeling for that person, whether its love, attraction, anger, etc. You don’t have to feel guilty for trying and letting things go if they don’t feel particularly right. Try to take 10 minutes to clear your mind, remove all of the ideas that are floating around in your head (maybe I should work harder at it, am I being shallow, what if I lose something great) and in silence ask yourself “is this right for me?”. Your answer may come, and by the way you described the relationship it sounds like you’ve genuinely put in the effort and opened your heart and you’re feeling a bit of resistance which is ok. You’ve done what you thought was right so far and you’ve handled the situation very well. Give yourself some credit!
Nick M.ParticipantI agree with maggie. Speaking from experience, I was in almost the identical situation as you when I was a bit younger. I would have benefited greatly if I would have had the courage to ask others from some positive words of advice so I commend you for that. I ended up sticking around and not giving her the space she needed to determine who she really wanted to be with. Because of this, she grew sour toward me and I ended up feeling negatively about her as well. Her family knew my family and we had the same friends, so it really created an awkward situation for a few years until we were able to speak and realize that we didn’t have to live through our past. We are friends today, but I learned A LOT from the situation and it has allowed me to help others in similar situations.
At times people need space in order to think clearly. When we hold multiple options in our minds all at once, we tend to lose track of how we really feel and what we really want. It kind of blinds our vision and we end up getting frustrated and just wanting to push it all away due to stress. A little moment of clarity (you having the strength to give her a bit of space) may be just what both of you need. It will allow her to understand what she really wants and it will also take some weight off your shoulders by knowing that you are doing what is best for both you and her. I know how hard it can be, but try to surround the situation with love and understand that no matter what the outcome is, it will only help you grow and progress toward sharing the love you truly desire with someone who’s out there waiting for someone exactly like you. Although it hurts now, you’re blessed to have felt what its like to express love…many people are too afraid to become vulnerable the way you have, so you’ve done an awesome job so far. Stay positive!
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