No I have tried but I cannot. And this is my main problem. The lack of sleep is making me disconnected from myself and my ability to feel. I know that I need to feel the pain of this before I can proceed. I haven’t cried and I haven’t forgiven myself or them yet and that has been my process of healing thus far. I am hoping to return to some kind of normal sleep pattern so I can come back to myself. I feel as though I’m doubting the reality of things and it’s scary. I believe I should have made the trip to Florida when I said so. I don’t want to get sucked into making amends with family when I am not ready to. I’d love to talk at some point but when I have come to peace with everything. And I haven’t. Thing is I reached out to my brother emotionally the other day and he has now been contacting me daily to talk. I am not sure if I should open up my feelings? I cannot take anymore invalidation. I do know you already suggested not to.

I don’t think I’m taking Zoloft anymore. anxiety and depression out the roof! Is that normal?

I get that. I think I’m so nostalgic and wanting the relationship because I am really dissociated, I think it may be the lack of sleep or the fact that I suppressed my feelings so much recently. How can I change this? I’m trying to feel my feelings but nothing comes out the way I truly feel. The way my family treated me was devastating and hurtful, I should cry and scream and rage! I am telling you the way I felt in the days after my aunts death was disturbing. And I am so invalidated by people acting like nothing happened. I know this is what is hindering me in the moment. I know this is why I have so much anxiety in my body and tremors. How can I change this? Do I confront the people?

Should be taking it in the morning, right?

And not sure Anita, not sure how to make this right. Do you ever think my codependency plays a roll?

So should I just switch it up and take in morning? I asked pharmacist and he told me both at night. I have not just taken Xanax. I was going to do that last night but decided on both.

I honestly don’t deserve this!

No one does!

My family caused me so much stress during this time of my aunts death that they are nearly making me sick!

My aunt and late aunts husband really affected me mentally and my brothers were the cherry on top!

Im so sad that I allowed myself to give away so much energy and get so stressed in this way. I was feeling so healthy. Eating better, sleeping better, fasting and now I’m a damn zombie who can’t understand life. So not fair!

I didn’t sleep at all! That’s with taking Zoloft and Xanax. I feel so unhealthy. Body tremors and my head is vibrating in some places! Sorry if I couldn’t concentrate too much on all that you wrote. I am so stressed. I was doing so well for myself before all of this. Not well but best I ever had and now I am just a mess. No sleep, not even with Xanax? What can I do? My body feels shaky and I am so dazed.

Any man I guess. I’m lonely

Why do I get so nostalgic? I did it with my ex as well! I almost did it today. I gathered the last of my belongings from my Aunts house and almost could not finish, almost wanted to stop and just ask her why she was hurting me so much. And just wanted things to go back to the way they were! And I still do. It taking everything I have not to reach out. I did reach out to my brother who lives here and asked if we could talk. He hasn’t got back to me. I almost regret it now. But he keeps calling me about things and acts as nothing happened. I need to tell him how hurt I am from what he accused me of and he never even acknowledged it!! The treatment I have got is unfair!!

And you are right, I forget this man abused me for so long. I have always had it on my head if he could hurt someone else.

Anita, the way I feel right now is so numb and empty. How can things ever be good again? I need support, I need someone by my side. Is it unhealthy to look for a man at this time? I need someone to hold me!!! I’m so dead inside, I don’t want to be like this forever. Please help!