Hello Lisa,

It looks like we have similar patterns when “falling in love” with men. I too tend to want to believe in the very best of people and I too give benefit of the doubt. Maybe too much that I ignore red flags early on. Lack of money and poor management does take a toll in many relationships I have observed around me. And I have experienced the same problem in my previous relationships. Perhaps I was fortunate not to have had children yet.

I honestly cannot imagine how difficult your current situation is. I am tempted to share some suggestions but I believe I do not have the experience or wisdom to say anything about family affairs.

But I can say this: Trust in yourself. Do not let your husband blame you for everything that is going wrong. In a relationship, you both have equal levels of responsibility – even if you do have ADHD and MDD. Although, be careful not to use your condition as an excuse to not take your share of the responsibility. Observe, but don’t judge yourself, if you have been using your condition as an excuse to avoid responsibility. I have been in that situation and it only made me feel stuck. I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was 17. I was on medication for three years until I attempted to commit suicide. When I survived, I stopped with the medication and learned to manage my condition without it. It is very difficult at first but I made it a point to be very aware of my mental status, my thoughts and my actions. I learned to take responsibility for everything that I do regardless if I’m manic or very depressed. Self awareness was really the first step.

I’m here if you want to talk about this.

Much love,

Nia

Hi Lily!

Thank you for your kind words. I reflected on what happened and came to the same conclusion. I cannot love him, or anyone else for that matter, if I don’t love myself first.

I also acknowledge the fact that he needs a person who can also accept and adore him in all stages of his growth. Right now, and it hurts a bit to admit this, but I am not that person. Maybe letting him go is the kindest thing I can do. Who knows? Maybe he’s thinking the same thing about me that’s why he let go. I still believe him as the kind person I used to know; not as the cold, indifferent person I last saw. I haven’t always been kind to him. I was raised with tough love so that is all I knew until I met him. And that;s what I’ve been giving him.

Looking at it from another perspective, I’m hurt because I believed him to be too good. I may have stretched his patience but he also didn’t have to let things pile up before confronting me. Now, he was the one who left me and he doesn’t want me back. I will get on with my life but I cannot guarantee that I would wait for him. That’s not unfair, is it? I will keep the good memories but I will remember why we came to this point.

This experience did not discourage me from loving. If anything, it made me want to love more. And that’s what I live for: LOVING.

Again, thank you for taking time to reply. I feel loved.

Nia