I’m sorry you have to go through this. This is new, so it’s understandable you want to cry and scream and kick and cry some more. Let it out in a safe way [scream into a pillow, journal, sad music/movies, instead of say punching a wall or sending angry letters] give yourself time to grieve this. You said you have a counselor, you could talk to them, or perhaps a help line could work. Even if your only means of contacting a loved one is your phone, do it. In a few days or weeks you should begin to find something close to ‘normal’ and you can begin to function.

This next bit might sound harsh so you might want to continue reading once you’ve somewhat cleared your head. Do you really want her back? Sure you think so now, but you mentioned how she became distant and hurtful near the end. You should meditate, and think about everything. Right now she seems to be everything, but is she really? [I had a boyfriend who left me and I was hurt deeply by it for a long time but when I took a step back the man I cared for was mentally and emotionally abusive, and left me for my best friends fiance. In the moment I was so desperate for affection I ignored what a terrible relationship it was] this could be a wonderful opportunity for you to grow and become better acquainted with yourself. You could clear out the mental clutter and discover more about yourself in a positive light. One day you might get together again, maybe you’ll meet someone that’s a far better match, you don’t know. For now you need self love. Focus on you and the rest will fall into place one day.

Good luck to you.

• This reply was modified 9 years ago by Nekoshema.

I think it was my part-time job in high schools and college as a cook in a sports bar. I moved on to another kitchen job that paid more and gave more hours… Which the stress caused me to quit. I was the only dishwasher/prep/salad chef in the restaurant and on top of working from 9 am to 2 am 6 days a week I was also expected to clean the restaurant because the owner didn’t want to hire a cleaning staff. Then I went into sales. Another horrible experience later they fired me for low sales. Now I work in a cafe, alone, and thanks to the job I’ve got anxiety and depression. Go me. BUT I loved that first job, it had a descent pace, light hearted environment and other people to talk to. When I move next year I hope I can find a job like that one [just in an office instead of a kitchen]

Have fun, hopefully you gain something from the experience.

I should try something different today, but I don’t know what. I decided yesterday to start pacing the hallway at work when no one’s around but I think that’s madness not fun lol.

Well I like you pomplemous, if that’s enough [also watch the swears. I wouldn’t want you to get in trouble] I kind of know what you’re going through, not being 100% sure about stuff and feeling a fraud when things go well. You might need professionals to help but TinyBuddha is a very friendly, open, and helpful community who [as I feel] just wants you to find joy inside and shine for the world. [Corny line, I’m in a really good mood] we could help each other out if you’d like.

I don’t weigh myself, I just get depressed. It’s not that I’m refusing to look to deny reality, until very recently I went to the gym 5 days a week, and ate a rather ‘Mediterranean’ diet, and I never lost a pound. I saw personal trainers, changed up my training routine, and went to many free classes. Still same weight. I quit the gym because I was sick of spending so much money for nothing. I’m still active, I walk everywhere, do yoga once a week, got back to biking, even reduced my sugar and meat intake, and while people say I’ve ‘toned’ I haven’t lost or gained a pound in 5 years. I get being too heavy or too thin is unhealthy, but sometimes you need to throw in the towel, accept this is your body, and move on from there. If I loose weight great [I pray I don’t gain any but if I do it isn’t the end of the world provided I’m still as active and healthy]

Meditation is free, so is walking. Journaling is another option. You could also spend time watching funny/happy/cute videos at the library. You could also talk to your friends, just spend a night in with friends can help.

Why do you feel excluded at your job? Parhaps you just need to find common ground outside work to talk about. If you work in a cubicle, put up stuff that makes you happy. [Pictures of loved ones, pictures that make you smile, your artwork, funny/inspiring quotes]

At this point in time, it’s not worth it. It sounds like you both have a lot of emotional problems to work through individually, and a relationship isn’t the best idea right now. I don’t know why you’re so emotionally distant with people but you might want to gaze inward and work on yourself before seeking others for love and acceptance. I say this as someone who has been there. Long story short I got hurt as a child and to protect myself I became a cynic who kept pushing people away to protect myself. I wound up falling for a close guy friend who treated me very similar to how your guy treats you. My now ex wound up cheating on me and got the girl to text me an apology, and then he tested me a breakup speech that simply twisted the knife. My point is, I know how you feel, and how hurtful it is for someone you were once ‘perfect with’ to suddenly walk away without much effort. You need to cut him out and focus on yourself.

To start I suggest you journal, meditate and/or do art. Try to vent and let everything out, after a week or so, try to work through your emotions [not just towards him, why you push people away] and slowly try to stabilize yourself. Maybe one day he too will change and things will work out, but as it stands this doesn’t sound good for either of you.