Sorry for not been able to get back to you in a long time!! I appreciate every little thing you said.. I’m in a transitory phase right now.. For a negative and overly sensitive person like me to start thinking positive seems so impossible.. But I’m going to take it as a challenge!!

I’ve gone ahead and done another silly thing!! Our common friends who were good friends of mine, I ended up jeopardizing my relation with them because of whatever is happening in my life.. I screwed things up so bad.. I assumed that they were being more supportive towards him than towards me although they were spending more time with me.. But some things that they said didn’t go down well with me.. Instead of talking it out, I just slammed.. The problem that was never there before, I ended up creating it for myself.. And I feel worse because the friend of mine who I ended up hurting is pregnant..

I don’t know where my life is heading..I’m sure whoever is reading this forum where I’m starting to pour my heart out, thinks I’m the worst person ever… I don’t know if those friends would ever forgive me and put this behind.. I have apologized profusely and I don’t know if things will ever change…

But at the cost of losing friends, I surely have realized that I can’t let this break up destroy me.. I don’t want to be a weak person anymore… I’m seriously done with sobbing about every little aspect, always looking at the glass as half empty and not respecting myself and others…..

Thanks Renee for your encouraging words..

Although I do feel that the sooner I accept the reality, the better it is for me.. But I still keep finding myself thinking what if we still have a chance.. A part of me wants to stay away from him and let him be.. I know for a fact, that it isn’t easy for him either.. We only just broke up and now he is forcefully being pushed into making a commitment of a lifetime without even knowing the girl… I do feel guilty for what I made him go through..

I never ever have felt any compassion for myself, which is just so weird. I for his sake, am thinking that it’s better we broke up because at least one person is moving on..

The fights that we were having were tearing both of us apart externally and internally… Things were getting way out of hand.. Abusive words, violent behaviour, physical fights and at one point I just wanted it all to stop. I look around and see many couples who through such a phase at some point in their life…

he situation that I was under made me lose trust in the relationship.. And that’s when he decided to take a call and end it.. Which in a way I feel was right.. But I see myself giving an excuse (if we can call that) saying that I was in a disturbed frame of mind.. When other couples have fights even they are going through a lot but still are able to think clearly.. I keep thinking that why couldn’t I do that.. Why couldn’t I save my relationship? Is something seriously wrong with me?… Am I to be blamed for what ever is happening?? .. Even if I end up being with somebody will it ever be easy.. Will he ever match up to all the positives my ex had/has…

I’m thinking positive one day – that whatever happens it happens for the best.. Love yourself and find your peace etc etc and then I’m thinking negative the next moment – is it me who is incapable of loving somebody? Am I strong enough to fight against the world for my love, when there are plenty of other people around who do the same? …

I only know one thing from my heart that I wanted my parents to be happy with it all and my bf too.. I never wanted to hurt either of them..I did not want to abandon any of them.. Although it was both our families who did not gel at all due to ‘n’ number of reasons I did not expect him to leave his family and he didn’t expect that same from me either.. But we constantly kept thinking that after marriage we both would be under a lot of pressure from both side of the families.. Marriage comes with a lot lot of baggage and it would constantly keep us in the firing zone…

In the fight for hope – to sustain my relationship with family and my bf… I lost myself yet again… And although I know that past actions cannot be undone, why am I still giving myself hope that he may come back??

• This reply was modified 10 years, 10 months ago by Neetika.

Thank you so much for responding guys!! Means a lot..

A part of me understands and accepts the fact that whatever happens, it happens for the best.. But there’s another part that kicks in, making me feel insecure!!

I need a lot of strength and courage to find my inner demons first, in order to be remain happy.. But sometimes it just feels hard implementing these things..

I do appreciate the encouragement that you all have passed on to me and my heart goes out to you all as well after listening to your personal experiences.. I just to constantly remind myself to imbibe positivity so that I can pull through this situation 🙂