Dear anita,
Again you are quite insightful on this. Your first paragraph is so right. I just have to decide if the first reaction will be face to face or the control of being physically away when he reacts badly. The reaction will be what it is, just the choice. Thank you for making that clear.

I do fear the reactions and the ability to make my life miserable from all those mentioned in paragraph two. I hate feeling that someone can control or hurt me, so I am pushing those fears away little by little.

I make good money and not worry about living, but the house in my name, either means I move back home and put it up for sale, or he doesn’t leave. He might not leave peacefully or be so distraught, that he wont leave because he is non-functioning. That is my concern, that I cant go back home and still liable for the bills. Cant keep two places going. I do know he could take the savings he has hoarded and use it to start his new life. That is, if he is functional with this blow. He is 65 years old and not sure what could happen. Cant control it, but its a thought.

I hate to see the tears of anyone in pain, and with the guilt I carry, makes it painful to see the tears. This man doesn’t cry over anything, except the one time he heard we had mad a connection and was deeply distressed that he might lose me. I am trying to harden up to the scenario, so I am less emotional and guilt-ridden to the idea of seeing a man sob.
Thank you for your insight again…………………you are appreciated!

40 years ago he did not approach, as he was told he mentally destroyed me (?) and there was a restraining order against him forged with my signature from my mother. He truly felt somehow he hurt me and never saw me, except at the divorce table. I didnt look up at the time, because I WAS hurt, feeling he didnt care, when he really did, but was restrained upon advice from his lawyer. My mother was there to make sure I was whisked away before any interactions. I did live with Mom so followed her blindly, since she was paying my tuition so I would finish school. His lawyer warned him that he would be arrested if he tried to find me to talk to me in the hall or anywhere.

NOW: He says he denied over and over to his family of any connections more than a dinner together while in town. The wife knew of me and the whole scenario from his divorce from me 40 years ago. Interestingly, I did not know the half of it….
She became very angry and worked with her sons to leave the home, and leave him there with the sons. The sons are the only ones speaking to the wife and there is no communication and R-1 doesn’t know where she is living. The sons did call me a few times a year or so ago, and threatened, and R-1 did nothing, because he was not supposed to know of the communication. If he said something, they would know we were talking…..
It seems he was trying to take the brunt of the storm and make sure they left me alone. He said as much, when I mentioned this to him. It seems sensible, he knew I could not disrupt my life or was ready 18 mo9nths to a year ago.
He remains in the marital home since it hasnt sold as yet. (Proceeds to be split). My concern is that if she finds about us, she will go back to court and demand total proceeds and more. His sons are there and go through his stuff, and watch him as well as monitor calls and emails. One is an IT background so he was able to discover deleted history, knows my email of work and home, and between them could make so more calls and blow up anything anytime, but we have not done anything but communicated at work phone numbers. I will be meeting him in April and this could be the Big Blow…. He remains calm and meek, so that until the whole thing is finalized, they will not explode and make life miserable for me and make him pay dearly. He says he will defy the situation, if I ask, and is prepared to stand with me to fight the coming storms.
His meekness does hurt me sometimes, and I get mad at the situation with his sons, but he reminds me that he is only doing it for me and not to have me hurt financially or emotionally from R-2. It sounds logical, but sometimes I worry if the sons will be an issue after this is all settled. I fear they will be jealous and angry and will try to interfere.I will not marry or live with him, until I am sure he is no longer bull-dozed by his family. He wants to marry me once I am single, but this will need to be played out before I would commit again. I do love and cherish his sweet ways, but realize there are very few knights in shining armor. A woman has to be strong these days and I am overcoming the fears I have had my whole life, about serving others and not hurting others even though dying inside. (Francesca?)

One of my concerns is that R-1 has two sons in their 30’s who are up in his business constantly. Since they had found out about our connection, they have overtly threatened me and him about blowing this up for me. They had called my home phone a year ago and threatened to tell my husband and call my son at college and make it bad for me. ( You can google anything these days….). So I backed down and made sure they thought it was over between us. I wasn’t ready to blow up my life at the time. I have been putting steps in place and able to make the move, once I am assured that his sons are on their own and R-1 has stopped enabling them. They were living with him as they were unemployed and he enabled them for years having them live in the marital home for more than 8 years and still unemployed. I have told him I wont make a move until I see that they are on their own and out of his business. The ex is using them to report on his activities and comings and going. We only talk at work and he has no cell phone as they took that from him at the time of discovery. He relented as he was protecting me from any hassle and injury to my life as it is. This is what is stopping me from pulling the trigger right now. I want to see them out of his house and there are some tepid plans of them moving out at end of March. I refuse to marry the whole family…….

The first thing that came to her mind was that her husband was “clean”? Strange, seems kind of bland in what she said. He was obviously not exciting and she was another farm hand from what I interpreted. No excitement, lots of farm work. She didnt first say he was handsome, or gentle or anything sort of like that.The interesting thing was she was not actively looking for someone or something to rescue her. His coming up the road to her house because he was lost, appeared to be synchronicity to me. He needed someone to share his life with, she had resigned herself to the life she had before the chance meeting. I believe in synchronicity and divine interventions sometimes. He brought out her womanliness and her desires and dreams. She was married to a man who was as stable as dirt, not cherishing her and taking her for granted. Remember the brandy, never opened til Francesca offered to Robert? So many little things in our life makes us feel loved and special. When we are taken for granted with no sweetness or gentle gestures for us, we wither and become just a survivor on a daily basis. Robert demonstrated his appreciate for her beauty and coaxed the hidden sexuality she had inside her. She also had appreciation for the “art” of his photography, and understood his soul as he showed it through the inspiring pictures. She did not think she was attractive, til Robert did a picture of her on the bridge. She was a little surprised to see herself in that way. She had locked down her sensuality and dreams, in order to cope.What is your take on the relationship? Anita?