Dear friend,

Reading your story brought tears to my eyes. Partially because I also was abused physically (not sexually though) all the years through my childhood by my brothers and both my parents and I can feel how you feel. What I know is that in such difficult cases professional help seems indicated so I will offer you only my personal wisdom.Myself, I never found any help ,not even consolation, even though I seeked guidance and I resorted to teachers, to church,to doctors. What I realized especially regarding professional therepists is that often you find yourself diagnosed and treated with medication while the most powerful grug and cure and unfortunately the most difficult to find is Love and mainly love from yourself. No matter how cliche it is this is the only answer to all kind of pains. People cause problems,people solve them.

Meanwhile, there was a moment, after all the ineffective efforts to find help and cure I felt that I had to take a decision, I had to choose whether I was going to kill myself or keep living. I understood that deciding to live meant that I would never be able to erase everything that happened to me, that I would always know that I’m not like other ”normal” people who are loved and happy,.I was fully aware that all of these traumas I endured, all of this abuse and ill treatment is irreversible.It was a very difficult dilemma,I admit being enticed to choose death many times even after deciding to live.

So what I think wise to do is for you to understand that since you acknowledged what happened to you and realized the dimension of the atrocity commited on you,you have to answer that question and if you choose life, don’t hide and don’t suppress your feelings.If you choose to live one thing is sure, YOU CAN’T CHANGE IT ,accepting that is the key to everything accepting that what happened is horrible but it happened. So you have a choice to either dwell on and rationalize it or live beyond it ,in spite of it, use it as strength, as weapon no matter how hard it is . All of the problems you face are most likey deriving from the child abuse so expecting complications is consequent and instead of getting scared, you can be better prepared and take preemptive measures because it’s inevitable that what happened poisoned your soul and this poison is still inside you.

I strongly believe that aswering thas question will help you start dealing with your problems, will give you a perspective in the mess that is going on in your head, will help you start putting your controversial emotions in order. I suggest you choose to live because dying is inevitable either way so ,YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE TO TRY!!!!