Dear Prash,

Thank you so much 🙂 It is kind of you to say that, I will do my best !

I am starting to focus on the bright side : thinking that I needed that event to grow and to be a better person 🙂

At the end of the day, I won’t repeat the same mistake and I hope I will handle things differently if I am under similar circumstances

Hi 🙂

I am so sorry for the late reply !

My laptop charger stopped working and I had to replace it

Thank you very much for your elaborate reply !:) That is so kind of you to help me ! I feel much better

Our friendship seems to have run its course indeed :/ Should I talk to her about that ? Or should I just slowly drift away ?

Regarding those emails, it is true that I probably helped some persons in the Company to be in trouble later, I didn’t see it that way, thank you ! But yes, my motivation was rather to displease her :/

You wrote ” It is as if you felt then that you did something so bad, that you decided: From now on I will never, ever do anything wrong! I will be perfect” and it is absolutely true, that describes me perfectly.

I think it is going to sound stupid, because I suppose every kids do this type of mistakes but in hinsight I wasn’t very thoughtful or considerate as a child. Fortunately, my parents who are sensitive and compassionate people, taught me

I remember I hurt some people not because I had bad intentions, but because I was immature and I didn’t realise the impact of my words and action (yet). I had no filter.

For example, I was attending a small concert of amateurs singer with my parents. And during the break, I asked one of the singers when the show would be finished, when he told me it will be over soon, I breathed a sigh of relief and left.

Then, my parents explained me why that wasn’t very polite and that the guy may had been upset from what I said. When I realised it, I felt awful.

From 10 to 12 years old, I was teased and mercilessly bullied by my classmates until my parents made me change school . I was this shy, introverted and best in class girl. The teachers were aware of what I was going through, so they were nicer to me, which made the bullying even worse.

Anyway, I became friends with two girls in my class who were a bad influence in hindsight. One of my teacher picked one of my book to leave a note to my parents because I was chatting in class, it was the first time i was reprimanded, and my friends encouraged me to steale the book before so that she wouldn’t be able to.

Of course, she punished me later but I felt bad that I listened to those two girls,. The teacher was a good person who had tried to help me, I probably disappointed her and I didn’t want to be like that. I did others smalls things with those two girls, that I am not proud of.

Everytime I behaved wrong, I recognized my faults, developed empathy, and I swore to myself I would do everything to prevent myself from hurting anybody the same way. Maybe that is why I am usually described as a “gentle and tactful” person.

But what I did with those emails are at variance with my values

Naia

• This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by Naia.

Dear Anita,

Thank you so much for your kind words,  I needed to hear this. I think I worded it poorly, I meant “she says I am much kinder than her but I don’t know if that is true”. Of course I have never been a Saint, and I am sure they made mistakes in their lives as well. Nobody can be absolutely perfect, can’t they ?

The thing is, I am much more tolerant and forgiving with others than I am with myself. The more time passes, the more I realise that the mistakes we make shape our personality and if we learn from them,  we become even wiser and more rationals. That is why I don’t hold grudges, I don’t see the point of blaming eternally someone who will (hopefully) learn from his mistake, evolve positively and become a different person.

But you are right, I do put too much pressure on myself and strangely I can’t allow to have the same misbehavior without feeling extremely disappointed and worthless.

I don’t define others by their mistakes, but I definitely do it with myself. I feel like I have betrayed who I was acting like this

Maybe I get away from this “friend” ?

I think I don’t have much self-compassion in this regard, I don’t know how to fix it 🙁

But your reply helped tremendously I felt better reading it 🙂

And thank you, thank you, thank you for saying you would forgive yourself. That put things in perspective.

My last question is : how would you do it ? How would you manage to learn from it, move on, and be as kind to yourself as you were before ?

In fact, the Company has realised their mistake and I think they would have found out anyways but there is a signifiant chance that those emails had something to do with it

Dear Prash,

Thank you for your reply !

No, I don’t think I want to pursue a friendship with her anymore. I feel awful for saying this, but I don’t think I like her personality. She has changed a lot in the last 5 years, she’s become embittered and sometimes even spiteful. She always points out that I am much kinder than her and jokingly compares me to a Saint. After what I did, I don’t know if it’s true and I feel worthless. I think I deserve all the guilt

She has great qualities, of course, she’s very generous, reliable, honest, outgoing … But in my opinion, her flaws outweigh her great qualities. Thank you very much for your advice 🙂

I have been practicing mindfulness meditation for a month, maybe that will helps me to focus on the present

Can a good person do a bad  thing once (and hopefully the last time) under certain circumstances ?