Dear sandstorm,

I’m not glad or happy that you feel the same way I do at times, but I do feel less isolated knowing that my feelings are shared. It’s unfortunate that the feelings exist, but knowing that someone else is going through the struggle of fighting through them, provides me a great sense of encouragement that I am not alone and you aren’t either. We are sharing an unfortunate experience, but together the burden is less. Your bravery and positive outlook eases my desperation.

Everyone please keep posting and I will continue to read and share everyone’s experience. We are not alone. Thank you for showing me that.

My other me is someone I want to transform from being. I constantly feel anxious, scared, overwhelmed, frozen, tearful, chaotic, weak, helpless. It’s a person that has led me to make detrimental choices in my life. I had a nervous breakdown in the fall of 2012 and have been recovering since. I must add that during that time I was diagnosed as having bi-polar disorder, ADD, and generalized anxiety. I spent years working putting myself through college to obtain as Masters degree in teaching, only to feel that it I couldn’t be successful in that career. I let myself down and failed. I hated myself for all the sacrifice and work I put myself through, only to discover I couldn’t live up to my expectations or overcome my challenges. I sought professional therapy, anti-depressants, and began (very slowly) implementing mindfulness. I’m tired of making excuses and placing blame on myself, others, or situations. I want/desire to find peace, love, genuine happiness. Because the other me just wants to die and doesn’t feel like they can keep fighting to stay alive. I am smart and very aware of my abilities and what it feels like to be happy with my life. But the mental struggle and proactive decision making to confront my obstacles feels at times too much for me. But I am tired of thinking and feeling that way. I want to be surrounded with positivity. I want to be successful in a meaningful way. I have been working towards that goal, but I need more fuel and support. I have finally found it here. I struggle mentally and emotionally with my bad vs good thoughts. I want to transform from the other me. I realize that there will always be parts of that inside of me. But I don’t want that ME to be most of me anymore.

Thank you for your post. I know I stated I wouldn’t take any advice, but I needed yours. Hugs. Thank you.

It’s hard to see that everything is going to be okay when I’m just coming out of the pit. The day to day journey… well I really don’t know how to describe it. I’m simply learning to accept it and finds ways to follow a positive path. I think I found a good foundation on this website.