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February 3, 2018 at 1:47 pm #190515MyaParticipant
Thank you,
yes i love freedom. Its something I like the most in any relationship. The thing i know that i can do something my way or i am not actually attached to anything makes me feel good. But i also care, i work a lot, i care. I can be aloof but it doesnt mean i dont care.
Thank you,
Mya
February 1, 2018 at 1:04 pm #190181MyaParticipantYes she was the main factor of my thinking about moving out.
She was the 1st from almost all of my friends ( school, university, work) that was living alone. But it was her financial situation and some support from the council. Because of her family issues she was given some money. She was also studying something else, short period and now makes a lot of money because she is good at what she does.In a group of friend i remember she was the 1st to move out even in high school or at the beginning of her studies when i was still living with parents.
But living alone doesnt mean only partying. Its also responsibility. But she was the ONE that was making parties and everyone was talking about her, as she would have a place to be. So she could CHOOSE people.Everything in her life was very early.It is okey. But i was maybe too naive and i was comparing her to me.
I also wanted to be like that and i couldnt understand that my job ( half time) and my studies require more focus, work and generally more pressure. Now it doesnt matter because i live alone. I was in Spain it was ok but i was not like a wild kid. I am older more mature and i dont perceive living alone as partying .
But i have also some kind of an inner pride that i dont like to be dependent on someone. It doesnt mean that i do not take help. I take help i am more humble than before. But some of them didnt understand that i was kind of stuck at university, i didnt like my school friends. They started ( she started) to mother me, telling others that i have a very poor situation, telling others that my family is in a very bad condition . Why? I dont know. It shaped weird picture of me like of a very weak person.
When she was turning 26 in 2015 and invited me for a party i gave her some hand made present – it was a cool idea, i did that because i liked her and we have known each other 8 years. She told me it was bad, because it was too emotional, gave me a shot of vodka and told me to drink and to stop telling her wishes.
cool..
Coming back to you question. I though she was the one that was free, because she was the 1st to be independent. I knew she had problems but didnt want to take the help from NOONE. Only preffered men attention and company. And i thought that she became someone because she was free.
Later i realised that i was wrong. That being free doesnt mean to make drama and drink. Maybe i dont have young memories like her. Maybe i didnt party like her because i was stuck in my room or my friends room doing my homework. But we had different lives. I can not compare it.
Before I was living in Germany for a year and i was free. I could do what i want but i was not as party girl like anyone could imagine. I lived a normal life. In spain the same. Being free means that you are not dependent on the same routine, of what others want you to eat at etc. I didnt even have it in my family home.
To fly and to be free means to create a life like i want and to do what i want.( with a respect to others).
February 1, 2018 at 8:28 am #190099MyaParticipantWhen i was younger i thought that everyone like me and my friends needed to have ‘the same steps’ in life.
I was raised in a loving family. But when i got older i started feeling stuck a bit. In Poland its not common to move out to the other city or to just rent the appartment like in other countries when you are young. I told myself at the beginning of my studies that to be a real mature person i needed to move out and needed to experience myself in life.
I thought ( i think now it was wrong) that being kind and nice in a home environment means “cutting my wings” as a young person. I thought that only when i grow up myself alsone or surrounded by my friends i would become an adult.
I thought that parents and their love made me stuck at home. I do nt know why i felt like i was in my room, in my home not because i wanted to but because someone told me so.
I had many talks with parents and they didnt understand my point of view. Now i dont understand it .
They raised me in a loving way and let me do a lot. It was me who put some borders on my mental behaviour. I dont know why with friends when we enrolled at the university we started comparing ourselves to ‘american dream culture’, to american students-wishing to be like them. To live in a campus, to have very laid back attidute. Living with parents for me and for my friends at that period of time meant something bad. Me ( and two of my collegues) told ourselves to be grown human we needed to leave to move out. Even thought we didnt have enough money and etc.
Now, after a few years i know its not true. Its not about home its about mindset. I dont know why i felt like that before. I felt that everyone had better lives than me. Because they were inviting each other ( not me) they were forgetting about me always etc. I wanted to be 100% independent to have my own life to be able to invite people, live with people with my age. LIke those friends did.
But i didnt understand that those friens, including that toxic woman, came from other cities. Didnt have anyone here in my city so they needed to create groups. Their parents were paying for their flats, they were partying and working. They already graduated. I was atthe different level of my life. But i wanted to fit in.
NOw i understand i dont need to fit in. I need to have my own life like i have now. And living with parents and being raised in a good family with traditions doesnt mean a bad thing. Maybe those people were jealous of my childhood.
But i understand now that it was my mindset and just a stupid comparison to other people’s lives.
February 1, 2018 at 5:11 am #190041MyaParticipantthe problem is- she doesnt realise that there exsists something like emotional intelligence and empathy. she goes wherever and whenever like a truck destroying making drama and then she calms down andpeople forgive her for mistakes because she is generally nice.
but her intentions are not material , they are emotional.
she creates bonds with people especially with men that they think she cares of them and she is interested. then she cuts off the contacts with them and make them chase her . she choose her a boyfriend and the game begin.
i am the witness of her two relationships like that. she needs to have a man and the circle of guards.
AND those guards are dependable on her. because she emotionally manipulates them as she would let/ or doesnt let them.
of course she ‘lets’ them have someone SHE KNOWS and immidiatel she becomes that person/ a new girl best friend. and she uses her emotions. like a vampire because she wants to get to know her. she wants to know what she does and etc.
and when she stops using her and sucking her emotions she starts to create her new hobby ( the same as this girl) and everyone prays her. and everyone thinks that SHE is the inventor that SHE is the ONE.
and this girl goes to the shadow.
but time passes by emotions calm down. and she says – what are you talking about. nothing happened.
- This reply was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by Mya.
February 1, 2018 at 5:01 am #190035MyaParticipantHello,
it happened around november 2016.
yes it was the girl that i was referring to in my 2015 posts. the one that was too interested and too curious.
i think that in 2015 i was a bit different person.
i thought that being nice and kind in a home environment means something bad.
i wanted to escape to the world full of young people. i felt like in a cage because i was still living with my paretns as well as studying the same thing . for me it was forever and the neverending cycle.
but from the perspective now i see that its okey. parents need to be kind and nice.
of course every stage of your life and every generation needs to be differentiate. maybe i was too dependable before. and too immature.
but i hated that this girl wanted to say that my parents are too protective. i remember even in high school when we were talking – she was always having problems with parents. she didnt have a family. they divorced and then her dad died. and instead of getting help from friends – me, andother people. she decided to party and take drugs. and she became the queen bee because of the attention that she didnt get in her childhood.
everytime i was giving her a help hand she didnt want she preferred to get drunk and party only with men.
i understand. usually women want to be in the centre of men’s attention 🙂 its natural
but she didnt let other girl be on the same level in groups.
it was her who introduced me to the company that i met up this man.
but it was not my fault that we were attracted to each other.
she lives in a limbo, in a world that she CAN. because she wasnt given the attention and good childhood.
but it doesnt meen she NEEDS to destroy other people’s lifes.
i will never forget and forgive.
because it was always me , in high school and later- like her shadow. always her the 1st and me the 2nd. always when she had relationships i was always the one to tell her advice, good friend.
but when i wanted to set up sth for myself like a little relationship , she realised. 🙂 because she knew me. she knew my steps. so she realised i was into someone from her company. some of her guards. knights that only she can use, one to party, one to spend time, one to go to the cinema. 😉
i hope she will never be happy . because she uses people. she is very egoistical because she fears the abandonement like she experienced in childchood. but i dont want her problems to influence my life- especially when she has always pushed away the help i was offering ( with friends, or psychologist).
i was the only one who remained so long at her side. people were telling me even in 2010 – she is toxic, she uses people. i didnt listen.
in october when we met she was scared of me. she plays nice, has a nice face but inside she is a b***tch.
but what goes around comes around. i hope she will get her karma.
think she is getting it
January 31, 2018 at 10:32 am #189935MyaParticipantyes i think you are right.
now i just do not think of her, we havent met since october 2016. sometimes i see she is active on facebook, spamming and commenting everyone. but its ok. i let her be.
these two years tought me a lot. especially regading my confidence and my life. that was ok.
i learnt that people especially my age have 2 sides. i do not know why but here in my country among every one of the group, people pretend and have masks. abroad my friends didnt have masks.have been real.
here i dont know what happens, a lot of my friends is fake. even they are intelligent, graduates. like they want to prove something or i dont know.
and being real,being vournelable but aware of life, and things that happen around is a sign of being weak not strong.
people are afraid to show emotions. and they hide it thats why a lot of conflicts occur.
usually people like me because i show emotions and i am strong and even when i was younger i used to tell in a nice way what i wanted. maybe as we discussed before i was not as assertive nor talkative and i couldnt express my emotions bravely.
but that is weird because since the beginning of my studies i was involved to groups with Queens Bee. and i was always the ‘rival’ of them. and because people knew those girls better they usually relied on them/ their opinion.
i didnt understand the hierarchy because really, still i dont need to be dependable, i can act how i want i can invite whom i want,i can talk to whom i want. there is no hierarchy.
and in those groups people were gossiping about other, outside friends that added someone on facebook ( what did it mean, why did she do it, is she in love with him). my mind doesnt need to be filled with trash like that.
that is why i think only a few people liked me because i always had my path, my way of doing things, expressing myself.
i dont like drama. i just cant see myself screaming at my friend and throwing things at her. its not about me being weak and not being able to express emotions. its maybe gentle behaviour like a normal person would do.
i see that before 30 . in the age gap 27-31 ( 28-30) people mature. i have felt more matured than my friends before. because i didnt make drama i was doing my thing. but i realised that drama people calm down before the age of 30.
and everyone forgive them the drama. i usually do not forgive the drama. i can be nice and talk but i cant forgive. because its the way they made me feel. and i was away hidden in a corner because i felt bad and they were having romantic dinners. but when you ask them they wouldnt know what was going on with me because they didnt have the emotional intelligence to guess or to be empathetic even to one of closest friends.
i know that everything will be okey with me. situations like that occured twice more after this one. but it was about work not a man. it was in 2016 and in 2017 when abroad. i was stronger. people wanted to cheat on me somehow because i was nice and normal at my workplace. but i was stronger than they thought.
i know everything will be fine but i usually do not come back to queen bees that made me feel that way. when i cut contact with her she cried and beg me to stay but i had a satisfaction to turn my back ( like in movies!! ) hahah and go my way.
and i will not have karma. because i can feel and i am empathetic.
- This reply was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by Mya.
January 31, 2018 at 5:36 am #189893MyaParticipantYes it was helpful 🙂
Anyway those people have been toxic. I mean this woman the most toxic person.
This man is not even her friend anymore. Maybe he is but only a friend. SHe is an attention seeker, always on facebook, instagram, other social media that allows others to see her life. and she publishes it in purpose not to lose the attention.
As someone said before – that people will give her a side-eye someday- i think that a lot of them have already done it 🙂
that is why she can not be an individual unit , experienced by herself but only with other people. she is dependent on others.
since 2015 i have learnt that to be able to share my life, happiness or any relation with other person i need to be full , i need to be calm and whole, unity. Without that it could be toxic, because any of us, me or the other person cant give only take.
Its important to give as well. I also understand it better now. Maybe before i was too immature, too proud full of myself, but now i know, i guess i learnt my lesson. It was good 2,5 years.
- This reply was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by Mya.
January 31, 2018 at 4:48 am #189885MyaParticipantHello, thank you for your reply anita.
I justthought that maybe someone is interested in astrology here and could help me understand the period of my life that i am now in.
But it is ok if noone can help because i have been interested in astrology since just a few months and i do not know a lot. 🙂
The main question for me in the other thread was that since a year i have felt a big change.
I needed to reply to this thread because i felt like i didnt close it ( even mentally here). When someone mentioned that i was ‘blocked somehow’ previously 2 years ago it was true.
When i moved away to Spain in february 2017 until august 2017 i felt a relief. I was working and studying. Now i finish my long period of my student life. But its ok 🙂 I unblocked abroad. Its all about mind. Before maybe I was too paranoied and too shy to admit that i cared about other’s opinions.
Now i am a different person, i am assertive, nice but assertive – i can say NO. I am an adult. I am 27 even 3 years ago i didnt feel like 24-25 year old woman. I still felt weird like a young child. Mentally.
Now it has changed. I accepted some facts i can not make a past back, its okey. I got rid of some toxic people, now i am only friends with A FEW. It was good 3 years of self improvement and self consciousness.
I am very grateful and thankful of the help and posts and advices that all of you gave me here in the forum. I appreciate it.
January 31, 2018 at 4:13 am #189875MyaParticipanthello, thank you all for the replies in the last 2 years. finally we have not been together.
this girl is still with her 5 year younger boyfriend ( that she can control) since that time since 2015.
i cut the contact with her in november 2016. i am happy about that.
this man has had 2-3 girflriends. i had one boyfriend abroad when i was since february 2017 until august 2017.
this man was behaving weirdly even after… 1 year after even when he had girlfriends ( but unofficial).
he would come up to the parties or just at my work ( i was a freelancer then).
i moved on when i saw that he was possesive and weird, he didnt let me move on.
i chosed some other man that UNFORTUNATELY he knew before. when he realised i liked him and vice versa, he interrupted, disturbed.it was in january 2017.
now they are close friends.
iam single again. i dont have anyone.
he did that in purpose because he saw i liked that other man…
the other man now works with him as freelancers.
its complicated i am away from that company.
that woman is queen bee in other company of her younger boyfriend. attention-seeker. i am not there. i dont wanna be associated with her.
i still dont know why he was possesive and jealous of my friendship and flirt with that other man.
he didnt want me, it was in october 2016 when he was picking me up home several times from work. hewas so humble, not bad boy, he would almost cry, i was put in a weird situation. i finally asked him what was between us and why it didnt work out.
he told me we could meet up . but next days and weeks he freaked out, panicked, started ignoring me like he would made a mistake or idk.
but then was possesive and jealous of the other man…
then i moved to the other country for 7 months to work. he had other gfs but was liking my pics.
when i came back we met only twice. he was idk nice and humble, was scared of me. once .
we didnt talk, we didnt see each other since august 2017. i just sometimes like his facebook statueses.
i dont care. i just got rid of him.
but still the bitter situation remains deeply in my heart and head. why was like that… ?
why i was so prone t o other people’s comments?
it was me who was weak. that girl did her job she interrupted. now she is calm and she can now say- you didnt want him, why did you cry- it was 3 years ago 🙂
so i lost. but i cut those people away.
i do my thing. maybe sometimes they see that on social media maybe not.
i just dont want to have anything in common with that man.
if i like something i can comment or like his status but it doesnt mean anything.
i dont wanna come back.
chapter has been closed.
November 5, 2015 at 12:54 pm #86809MyaParticipantno she doesnt remind me of anyone from my family.
but she reminds me of my ex boyfriends because they were all from her company they were all Virgo guys that once have been into me and they pulled away. I hate Virgo men…….
Its blocking me because she is confident. She comes from patologic family with alcoholic dad. Her mum and brother rejected her. And she lives alone. She is so open, nice, makes new friends and boys fall in love or anre into her very quickly ebcause she is a good listener. But whenever she takes me somewhere to a party and one of her friends shows me attention she inerrupts us….
Its like she blocks us.And she is again in the centre. That what blocks me inside- she has ironic sense of humor boys like, whenever i am somewhere with friends people tell- ooo’ i like her, remember what SHE SAID? she has a very cool sense of humor, she is so cool , everyone loves her’
and then im like wow… why they tell it….. she takes boys hands she huggs boys even the ones i like and she knows them and im blocked- because inside im shy……
and she thinks im not shy…….
she thinks i just dont wanna have a bf for now because im focused on work.
and its not like that….
shes not aware of what shes doing.
almost all of her friends rejected her and she needed to take them back. she always have arguments with people. and with me – no argument since 7 years.am i too weak? whats going on with me?
even when she came over to visit me at my exchange in paris 2 years ago – 1st thing what she did was kissed my friend. and i was like : wooo wtf ;O
inside i was so jealous…..November 5, 2015 at 12:59 am #86782MyaParticipantIts like she thinks im in her friend group and the something that was between me and our common friend was NOTHING. because she is very quick in decision making. like she hangs out with one boy then breaks up and then accidentay is surrounded again with 10 male friends to have an attention.
as far as i know her she doesnt do anything except working ( workaholic) and partying. no self improvement when it comes to travelling its like – drinking or partying travelling.
i am different
she likes me i like her but i cant open i am not myself when she is around. no idea why.
something blocks me.
she is an organizer. she organizes things events gigs. people are used to her organising things its the same with boys- usually she organizes going to cinema, theatre. and boys get lazy.somehow i think that before i met this guy she was talking him to the cinema and so one. you knwo what i mean like a friend but he was only working and she was a person to fulfill the free time.
and when she saw him being interested in me somehow she got a bit jealous. and he likes her as a friend still and i feel like she has a controll over some people- maybe over him as well.
and i dont know what to do.
and boys like her because she behaves like men. she is confident know what she wants and swears, drinks like men, smokes like them. invites boys for joints and so one. and im not like this.and THATS WHY i think that i am weaker and thats why i think she takes all over the attention from me. and its like i dont know what to do when i am around her.
October 28, 2015 at 2:32 am #86295MyaParticipantthe worst thing for me is that i analyse too much and sometimes i get paranoied too much because of people’s behaviour.
its like i want the world to be like i want it to be. im too possesive sometimes.
sometimes i cant rely even on myself.its like those people do their thing they focus on their careers relationships friendships and i analyse their lives.
sometimes its my fault because i take too much effor to think of otehr not for me- thats why my face is stubborn but i feel weak inside when it comes to meeting new people.
when someone is nice – i see the second botton. when someone helps me i think i need to be careful because that help is not straight.
when someone talks nice to me i think its a lie.its true.
how can i change it?
sometimes i think i perceive the world differently talking about others.
i dont do drugs i dont drink much i dont smoke.i think the worst and the 1st enemy is my mind, my brain…….
October 27, 2015 at 2:08 am #86180MyaParticipanthey, thank you all for the advice.
I am just not used to being in a group of people where they talk about each other.
Its like ive never been in a group of people where everyone knew everything about each other. I was kind of an ‘free electrone’ flying from one group to another. I have never been stuck in one group.
I have a lot of friends but i am mobile.
And what made me weird was that this group and people inside the group are talking about me.
I am very independent and i am not used to get help from other people. Some say im too independent and cold. but its a mask because i usually think people would like to do sth to me. Like take some information or make me feel bad.
Really im not used to talking about everyone in a group.i am focused on myself very much- maybe too much- even parents think i need to be more ‘enjoyable’.
I am not used to hierarchy in a group- when there is a person who mothers everyone- a very popular person- its weird. i knew this girl for 8 years from high school. i didnt know that her environment has changed so much- i didnt change thinking of her because i remember her from 5-3 years ago. ANd now i see she behaves differently sometimes like a whore- sleeping with boys in relationships because she needed sex…
and she takes care of everyone from that group- i am an new member i am an observer and i see the hierarchy- i see that in a group even the most bad boys and the most independent boys treat her like a mother or someone that could take care of them. so weird.
i have no idea how to respondto that behaviour.the real reason is that everyone loves watching FRIENDS with jennifer aniston and sometimes i think that my friends would be like them…you know what i mean???
and yes he is a jerk. why did she tell me he is very sensitive and is very shy when it comes to me? why did she tell me that he wants things to be ok- why didnt he tell me this straight?
i have no idea.guy who pulls away even when he is away with a friend on a party – in my opinion have to write back or so…… no idea if he has alzheimer or other issue…… and she was justyfying him all the time like there would be no harsh situation in a group – because as far as i can see people sleep with each other from that group – especially her.
and im not like her.
and deep in my mind i have some thought that she told him that for me it was nothing and now he is like this. and for me it was not nothing.. i dont sleep with people i dont care about
and SHE DOES.and then boys think of her like of a ‘bad and toxic girl’. and i dont wanna have that opinion…….
October 24, 2015 at 11:57 am #86006MyaParticipantHey anita thank you again.
if i can add something. i am a person who still lives with my parents. they are very nice people but chaotic artists. they gave me and my sister love and care all of my life. they tought us. we visited almost all of poland ( my country) when i was younger. they gave me everything. but i think sometimes they were too nice and kind. like they didnt have friends, only family stuff and their own business.
everything was going on around family. i have never seen people at our house. only family- which is veyr small.what i am going to say is that this girl comes from patologic family with alcohol and fights. she was the perfectionist in school. she had to take care of herself very soon when she grew up. now she had better contact with brother and mother but still they have problems.
for me her behaviour of knowing everything comes back childchood when it was not perfect. because her parents didnt give her love and so one. she told me she had to survive while fights. and for me now- she takes care of people doing mother teresa role.
and people like her and she needs to know everything. maybe its not in a wrong way. but she is a person that colorise (?) the reality very often.
kind of possesive as well. because she is nice and kind and good looking and a perfect worker and a student people think she is ideal but two of her ex that i know told me she is toxic because she plays and she wears a mask.its like people like her because she is nice and she is interested in people. she is a very good listener always giving advice. and people, especially men, boys like her.
they treat her like a mother? or someone.i remember, as a previousely wrote, that before when she was single she was usually surrounded with her ‘male friends’ being like a queen. and now ? she has a bf and is very possesive and calm. its so weird.
this men, guy, comes from a family that divorced. he grew up soon as he was studying in the other city. and he lives alone and has his own company and business.
and everyone from this group lives alone. their live is totally different than mine. because i have a lot of other friends. and 2 other groups. i have really a lot of friends. and this group is one of them . that i got inside because i had some situation with HIM.
and now i dont know if i should let it go or not. i mean if i should just let go from this group and be alone like before or continue spending time with them…
becuase they’ve known each other.she usually invites people to her place for gossips and life talks. i thought she had only me like a friend because she was inviting me very often. but now i see she had a group of friends i didnt know about.
and im in a different level of life. because i still live with parents. i started working part time. i still study- architecture on master which is very demanding and sometimes i just have no time to go out…
and at my faculty people are weird… they are only focused on studying no going out or anything. and now?
i dont know how i can share my life in the aspect of studying, working and being friends, finding boyfriend…
its so weird and time passes by….and i wanted to move out and be more kind of mature but it would mean i would need to be surrounded by other people – friends. because i wouldnt have the company of parents at home…
this girl lives alone since 2-3 years and probably thats why she is a party girl, people know her because she needed to fill her time with people.
some people dont do that because they have siblings, parents at home. and she doesnt…i dont know if i am justyfing her or just telling about her.
i see people living alone or with people at my age are more flexible and more’straight forward. we are adults and i still feel like a TEEN.and maybe its time to move to make a new step.. and i dont know if i should behave like ‘independent people’ that came to my city without parents and had to organise some kind of a ‘family’ of friends. or being myself and being nice to people, be friendly but take care of family too. because family is important..
and for some people its not very impornant and i dont get that…
its just a matter of thinking and values…
because now i feel not like 25 yo girl- woman, but like 30-35 being too rational and logical…October 24, 2015 at 5:55 am #85996MyaParticipantyes,
i dont want to reject people and friends because of what happened. for example yesterday i was at party where everyone ( except him) was there. and its a group of friends, people. i dont have anything against them
but again i was observer kind of introvert. again i saw that THIS girl is some kind of controlling some people. i take it with distance, only being nice but not telling about my personal stuff.and i saw some of my male friends telling her about their love life and she was like a mother terasa giving advices to everyone.
so i knew now im 100% sure that THIS GUY told her about me and didnt know what to do with that.when he comes back even if its almost 4 months – i will ask him , what happened why didnt u want to meet up and talk about it o.O WHY
its like a one to one situation- personal- noone else is involved. -
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