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January 24, 2019 at 1:12 am #276539MoniqueParticipant
Anita,
Thank you kindly for your thoughts and analysis on this.
AA has certainly been an option Iāve considered. There are several in my area, however my only issue with this idea at the moment is my work schedule as all the local sites have theirs on Thursdays when I am usually working a 12-hour shift. I can certainly turn my home into an alcohol-free zone. lest I do decide to moderately drink. This is a particularly strange topic for me to discuss simply because I work at a restaurant that turns itself into a nightclub/bar area, where heavy amounts of drinking takes place. In other words, alcohol is all around me when Iām working.
Iāve tried to analyze the behaviors of my mother since I started noticing my own, and while I did think for the longest time that Iām simply copying her behavior, I never considered that she instead verbally abused me. One thing Iād like to add into this subject is that Iām Vietnamese American/Asian American, where often times mothers are considered ātiger momsā where they enforce strict rules and are tough on their children to push them to succeed. In other words, itās āexpectedā that Asian mothers are like this. But the past several years, I began noticing things my mother has done to me and my father that just, well, isnāt right. Thereās countless times where sheāll go on and on and on about why I messed up, how angry/upset she was, etc. and yes, I did want to tell her to stop. My mother is notorious for holding grudges. Sheāll still talk about certain things that my siblings or my family have done in the past and how bad she thought it was. I was angry with her for quite some timeā¦ nowadays I find my father and I are closer and frequently have conversations about her and discuss the same ideas and opinions.
I remember one day coming home from school when I was about 8 years old, my parents were in the dining room. That was unusual for me, as they usually didnāt come home from work before I did. It turned out that my father wanted a divorce at the time, and my mother tried to take my younger brother and me to find another place to live. Later that night, my father apologized to all of us for inflicting such pain on the family and promised to stay with us always. Fast forward to todayāthe reason heād wanted a divorce was because of my motherās ways. They had another bout a few years back, but are a little better now. Iām led to think that my father is just complacent more than anything else.
Iāve suggested therapy to my mother individually, as has my father. She refuses to go and thinks thereās nothing wrong with her.
Monique
January 22, 2019 at 8:02 pm #276327MoniqueParticipantGood evening Anita,
My name is Monique, and while Iām new to Tiny Buddha officially, Iāve followed this website since I was about 16 (Iām 27 now) through an old friend of mine. I came to a crossroads in my life where Iāve realized that I need to become a better, more healthy, wholesome, and positive person because I have let my past traumas and experiences deter my current relationship and friendships. Through this realization was where I came back to Tiny Buddha in order to try and promote my own well-being. My goal is to try and learn self-love and care so as to foster healthier relationships, and hopefully try to fix the one I am also currently in.
I have seen your name float around on the forums quite frequently as Iāve been scouring them for hours tonight now and hope to gain some insight from you in the near future. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity for introducing myself and spending the time that you do to reply to topics you believe you can have a positive impact on.
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