Forum Replies Created
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FelixParticipantI am prioritizing. I am taking care of my family first and trying to see if I can fix my marriage.
My biggest issue is job search. I am highly qualified in the IT industry, but this is a pro-corporate, anti-people environment. After each interview I feel drained, worthless, and beaten down. I am 38 and I am basically starting over. That’s the part that’s killing me the most. Most of my friends are set. They have great jobs, businesses, wives, kids, houses, and retirement funds. I have almost none of that. It’s OK, everyone is different, but what sucks is that I know I am not stupid, but just made mistakes, had bad luck, and now I feel like there is so much I need to fix that it makes me feel the way I explained above. I know what I have to do. I just hope I run into some luck. Just a little luck will go far with me. I just need a break =(FelixParticipantI know this too shall pass, but it’s overwhelming me. I am trying as hard as I can, but I feel like I am sinking. I had depression and anxiety before, but I was always able to beat it. This time I am just overwhelmed. And the help I can get from people close to me is very limited. If not for my wife and dog, I don’t know if I would be here right now
FelixParticipantI was having the worst possible week, but then I got a call on Friday and got an offer for pretty much my dream job. Too tired to go into details, but it’s mostly work from home and the company has great potential. As in I have great potential in the company. Smiling like I haven’t smiled in years. Thank you everyone for your kinds wishes!
FelixParticipantThank you everyone. I am just trying to be realistic. I am not an idiot and while I am a little behind some of the technical stuff, I have been working in IT for 15 years so I am not a complete idiot. I can’t study right now because that’s just going to be cramming information for the interviews and that’s not going to do me well. I am just curious if I’ll get hired eventually. My wife says that I just have to keep searching, applying, interviewing, being optimistic, and someone is going to give me a chance. I’ve lost that type of positive thinking. And she is saying I am being irrational. That everyone who looks for a job, eventually gets one. I know that’s not true because I’ve seen how some people have been unemployed for 6 months, 1 year, or even longer. That’s my biggest fear
I have to run, but trust me, I would love to take a new direction and do something else. I would do in 5 seconds, but I don’t know what else I could do that would bring enough money to pay for everything. And I am not talking about anything fancy. I live in LA and just rent takes half of the paycheck.
FelixParticipantI think I am doing everything right, when it comes to interviews, confidence, ext. At least to the best of my current abilities. I cannot lie or pretend to be someone else. I feel disgusting after most interviews. Like a whore because I have to sit there across someone who is more interested in the sound of their own voice than anything else. I know I will find something eventually, but I am really feeling small right now. I feel 100% unwanted by anyone, personally or professionally. I don’t let this come out when I interview, but I feel empty inside
I do do consulting. I do have my own business, but my wife doesn’t make enough to pay the bills and I have to find something soon. I can do consulting and expand my client base only after that. I just feel empty and like the end is now. It’s so stupid, but I can’t change my mind about it. And I am not really depressed. I am happy, I am happy, I have interests and my dog, but I feel empty and discouraged.
And than you btw!
FelixParticipant= ))) You da man
I honestly don’t have anxiety and depression like I did before. My biggest problem is self confidence. I used to be so freaking confident. I got the jobs that I wanted and didn’t care that I didn’t know something. I always said that because I good general understanding of technology that if I don’t know something, it’s not because I don’t know it, but because I just haven’t worked with it. And I do love helping people. I just want someone to give me a chance. I fucked up before, but I am not looking back, only forward.
My parents did a great job on breaking my spirit and now it’s coming back to haunt me and manifests itself as lack of confidence and other negative factors.FelixParticipantEvan. Thank you. That was insanely inspirational.
I am interviewing right now. Mostly phone calls and some technical phone screening bs. My self confidence is beyond low. I have all these years of experience, but I can’t answer a simple question of something a user not able to log in because their profile is corrupted. It’s a stupid question and there are various issues which could cause that. I’ve resolved these issues a million time, but this millennial douchebag wants to sound smart over the phone and I feel like an idiot because I can’t answer his questions within 10 seconds… These are the things that make want to leave IT. The soulless people, the walking calculators, the vultures on the recruiting side. I am a very good person in terms of being decent to others. I don’t get mad at stupid shit. I don’t think that my work is me, but these people are making me feel like crap. I wish I had a year to study. I could really then show them that I can do all this stuff they want me to do. I am just lacking any type of self confidence right now. I feel like I has the dumb!FelixParticipantThank you for responding Inky. I am not in a position to invest anything. I am in the process, or at least I was in the process, of paying down my debt. It’s not a lot, but I have to pay it down. And I live in Los Angeles, so cost of living it taking any money I had to invest. I couldn’t even do 401K because everything costs a lot more here. I am not worried about money right now so I am not going to let a stranger into my home. My wife and I have enough money to last until I find a job. My worry is not money right now. My worry is about my future and being happy in what I am doing.
I can’t teach =) I have no patience for teaching. Believe me, I’ve thought about everything. All possibilities, but I honestly know two things and two things only, technology and politics. And I can’t get a job in politics without a degree. That’s where I am stuck, in terms of what to do next
Anita, we don’t have kids. My mom loves me, but couldn’t give a shit about my situation right now. My dad is in Israel with his family and while he also loves me, he gives even less shit about me. I only have two grandmas left and they love me more than life itself, but they can’t help me at all because they are pretty old already. My wife helps as much as she can, but she is not very ambitious. She could have really helped me if she was making more money. That was we could use her income while I studied full time and got my computer consulting business going. But we can’t because her salary won’t even cover the rent, the cars, the bills, and the food.
And what I meant by “Chilling out” is that I have a good circle of friends. We are all on the same level, but most of them are just friends during good times when we hang out. Most of them are very decent people, but almost none of them would help me in a tough situation. This is the reality of the American life. I was born in USSR and had absolutely the best childhood ever. Everyone cared about everyone else and people helped each other in tough times
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