Hi Silky, I’ve been reading all the posts and wanted to chime in. First off, I’m really sorry to hear what is happening and that you are in such pain. Like some of the other posters, I can relate to you. I’ve been working a long time to get over an ex who did not treat me very well. My ex also is dating someone and those intrusive thoughts pop in often for as well. I too have struggled with some self-esteem and co-dependency issues.

Regarding your ex, yes those thoughts where you picture them together suck, but A) those thoughts aren’t real and B) you know from experience that those “good” times are only temporary. If it helps you, when you feel like those thoughts are really affecting you, try picturing them fighting. We know relationships are not all rosy and lovey-dovey. Another thing I try to remember is that everything ends. Every relationship eventually ends. Either they break up or get married; accept your worst case scenario. Even if they get married that’s no guarantee it lasts forever, everyone eventually passes on. I know that sounds bleak but its true and is helpful to remember in these painful cases.

Regarding codependency, it’s helped me to make a list of things I know are true about myself. Even as simple as: I am a 33 year old man, I love working out, I work for a living. Try starting this list and keep writing it. Start creating an identity outside of her.

Hope this helps, best of luck and you are not alone my friend 🙂