Forum Replies Created
-
AuthorPosts
-
RoseParticipant
I’ve never thought about it that way before. Instead of asking why, ask why not? Why would you not still want to do all those things you planned to do? Do you worry that you will end up depending on your experiences to make you happy instead of letting your happiness come from within?
RoseParticipantI’ve asked myself the same question many times. I’m glad I saw this forum, because these answers have helped me see the issue of changing in a different light.
I think it’s all a matter of mentality. That’s the conclusion I’ve come to, at least for myself. I have some of the same issues that you do. I’ve been a negative thinker for as long as I can remember. The mind really is a powerful thing…I’ve gone back and forth many times battling the negativity with positive thinking. It’s normally only a day or so before something pisses me off and I’m back to my old ways. But I am bound and determined to never go back this time 🙂 we can do it!!!!!
RoseParticipantI agree with Jasmine. It seems that you are taking a victim’s stance on your situation with your parents and with your life in general. I don’t say that to attack you, but I have learned that taking responsibility for yourself and your actions is the only way to happiness.
I’m recalling a point in a book that I am reading that may be helpful to you, if you will let it. All relationships come down to 2 basic choices: adapt or let go. If you cannot adapt (because it is impossible to change others, unless they decide to change themselves) as suggested above by Inky, letting go will be your only option for your own happiness. In the process of “letting go”, you would need to understand that your relationship with your parents is toxic, and although there may be reasons for staying (feeling guilty, etc.), taking care of yourself often comes with a high price. If you are unwilling to pay the price, you are still responsible for your choice.
RoseParticipantI, too, have lived self-destructively. I have lived with the victim mentality for a long time, and I am just now truly making the effort to take responsibility for my own life. The thing is, as a child, you could very well have been a victim. Children do not have nearly as much control over their lives as adults do. That being said, you are an adult now. Now is the time to take responsibility for everything that has happened, everything you have done, at least since becoming an adult. By doing so, you no longer have to be a victim. You acknowledge that you made mistakes, and move on from them. I agree with The Ruminant about not seeking forgiveness at this time. You cannot control how people will respond to your apologies/confrontations, and right now, their responses (should they turn ugly) could result in a further desire for self-destruction. Maybe once you have generated more self-worth, you will be able to handle it better.
I recently began reading a book that my counselor recommended to me that has completely changed my view of life in general. If you choose to read it (I found it at my local library), keep in mind that your brain will resist at certain points (at least, mine did) because you may still have the instinct to blame anyone and everyone else for how your life has turned out rather than admitting responsibility for your actions. It is important to keep an open mind. The book is called When Anger Hurts: Quieting the Storm Within by Matthew McKay. It is a little old, but the advice is gold.
Also, I don’t know if you already do or if you feel this is an option, but I have been experimenting (with my doctor) with anti-depressants over the last year. I think it helps the way my brain processes things so that I don’t anger so quickly. One of the main points in the book I mentioned is “trigger thoughts” and how to stop them from making you angry, stop them from even happening period. An anti-depressant can help you think more clearly and more positively.
- This reply was modified 10 years, 4 months ago by Rose.
-
AuthorPosts