Heyyyyy Anita!!!

So glad to see your reply, Im kinda confused and was panicking for the first few days when i came across BPD. Then i was trying to reason stuff.

I will tell you what triggered this thought.

1. I get mood swings

2. I have cut myself twice but not suicidal. (in my 20’s) drank cleaning solution when i was kid (i think 10)trying to see if will die and escape my family. I stopped it after 25 when i realized i am a victim of abuse and started working on my issues

3. I have cheated on my BF’s until end of my 20’s

4. When i watch movies i try to relate the character to myself. If the kid or lady is being abused i imagine that to be me and i almost spoil the rest of the day being sad or angry.

5. I get angry if “im told to ” or reminded like i wont do it properly (It reminds me of my father)

Im hurting my Dear friend who was with me in all my hard times we had to collaborate like everyday since we co own a firm. He has to add ” don’t get mad” every time before he starts to say something.

I want to be the cool person i really am like all the time. But my past haunts me. Even though i consciously avoid those thoughts or events to trigger me that trauma gets me sometimes since its unresolved yet i guess.

People are confused at times why i behave like so angry suddenly. because im the sweetest person u can see when im not angry. It had happened with my employees too.. So help me i don’t know what i am anymore

Hi Inky,

Great to see your reply!! I never wanted the argument inky! I tried hard to say no comments most of the time.. because i hate shouting n yelling it reminds of the childhood and bad events., I don’t engage with people who doesn’t know civilized way of speaking. I’m a kind of person even if someone is wrong if that’s not gonna hurt anyone i wont care after all we live in a imperfect world. Even with him it was like that, i had never said anything offensive or bad to hurt him even at times he actually hurt me, but this had happened to be a pattern there is a threshold to everything. I cannot sit and get beat up. When he said the above words i was literally hurt and had no words to speak back, I just told him if i can prove what i said i will stop talking to him forever. He just left the conversation saying that i have some serious issues.. :(.. But point is i never wanna talk to him again.. I’m scared what all he will say in future..

Hi Anita,

Thanks for looking into the situation for me. Yeah there was no discussion once he started saying stuff to piss me off. Even If we knew someone is wrong, its always good to use win-win situation to explain and make them feel comfortable (that’s what i would do). In this conversation we had, it was not about me or him but he made it personal by calling me ignorant and the fact i dunno anything. Why this bothered me is, I have been playback singing for 20 years, i have been in the industry till my 26 years of age giving lots of concerts, I still sing but my business had been my priority so when he said those things he knew i would get hurt and that’s why he said it i guess. And I came here because i wasn’t able to take it off my mind i don’t wanna go back and explain him that i got hurt because i really don’t wanna engage in a conversation with a person who hurts me. As u already knew, I lack assertiveness i would after sometime i will forget that he was the one who hurt me and would think i am the reason for this whole fight and would try to convince him. After your suggestion about being assertive (in the past posts) i am practicing to be strong on whatever decision i take. Thanks again for your valuable time!

Dear Anita,

Happy to see your reply !! Yea i guess she will be overwhelmed too and that may even make her not to reply.. I’ll keep it short.. It will be a waste to let that friendship go.

Thank you!

Hi Anita,
In real life i don’t have any problems at all.. not like this at least.. I diverted lot of my focus to gardening.. i have started growing lot of plants in my roof. I run a business and i am pretty busy with it.. When this guy pings me in the morning I would be pretty damn busy but somehow i stop all that and talk to him.. Yea it is addictive.. I dunno why.. I clearly wanna come out of it.. I feel ashamed of not being in control of myself.. I know im a non assertive person.. But i had come across situations where my Ex came back to me after marriage saying that he cant forget me blah blah i was able to say a hard NO right to his face but now i dunno where that guts went.. I fight with this guy but i go back.. or he doesn’t take me seriously at all he pings the very next morning. I started doing this for fun.. i know this guy was lying and stuff but later somehow it became addictive. I started caring too much for him. its like im stuck in a loop. Its like a whole day had now reduced into 1-1.5 hours of talk. but i don’t like this also.. this is not good for me or my life..