Hello there Misanthrope,

Boy, what a name! It looks like you and Anita have a good conversation going (hope you don’t mind me butting in) and you keep coming back to answer her so you’re not totally hopeless.

I’ll admit; I didn’t read every single line there but long story short from what I gathered: you hate life and you feel you live in a world of ”no”. Yep. Sounds like depression alright. By the way, no one will hire you when you have depression. It just doesn’t work, it sends a vibe or little giveaways you might not have noticed. So forget about this for now. Also, if it’s depression, getting your dream job wouldn’t fix anything. That’s the difference between feeling blue and depressed. If an outside source (happy event, perfect job, miracle inflow of money, etc) can fix the way you feel, than you’re blue. When you’re depressed, even if all your problems were suddenly solved, you’d still feel poorly. But since you’re well acquainted to therapy, I’m guessing you knew that already.

Ok! so…where to start? Therapy didn’t work, meds didn’t work, alcohol is a nice crutch but no more…talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place! I’m afraid it’s survival time. First, those ‘What if I just wasn’t here anymore’ thoughts…it’s crap. Ok? I want you to argue with those thoughts and tell them to go to hell where they belong. Have you had the similar ‘Maybe everyone would be better off if I was gone’ thoughts? They are normal thoughts when you’re depressed, it’s ok to have them, just know that they are liars and not worth considering seriously.

Crappy childhood. Got it. Therapists couldn’t help you (sorry to hear that) but can you do the work without them? Your childhood doesn’t serve you anymore. It’s dead. And what do you do when something is dead? You walk away from it. Are you able to do that? Does something or someone keep you from doing that? Cos that’s what I’d tell you to do: ditch it and everything / everyone that keeps you from moving on.

Now, my message is already way too long so I’ll stop here but I want you to find the survivor in you ok? You already found the alcoholic in you (he’s not gonna help in the long run) and the addict in you couldn’t be bothered showing up (unreliable bastard) so look for the survivor. You need to ditch some dead weight before you can start changing and fixing things in your life. Ok, ok, I’m gone. Good luck!

Nellie,

Boys are afraid of dealing with their emotions. Big time. Breakups are hard and the harder it is on the boy, the more he’s gonna act out (usually, through partying). He will go great lengths to prove to himself, the world and most of all you that he is ok (happy even) about the breakup and not sad at all! One could say he’s never felt better! So free! So light! But it’s all a front. From my experience, the harder the breakup, the harder they try to convince everyone how great they are.

Do not be surprised if you see him with another girl. Men/boys need someone to sponge off those emotions that are too hard to face. It’s the same as the partying; the more they are broken up, the faster they try to find someone else to distract themselves with.

Women do the opposite: we feel sad first and when we’re slightly better, we go out and try to live again. That boy’s gonna take much longer than you to get over the breakup because he chose to delay healing (dealing with the bad feelings, the loss, etc.).

So I know it’s hard to look at his happy pictures of partying but know that it is an act (no matter how convincing).

Focus on your own healing and stop looking at Facebook! Good luck