Anita – yes it is a conflict I am having with myself.  I had more self-respect than this…or so I thought.  Or maybe I can think of it as I am STRONG enough to try to forgive and I trust myself ENOUGH to know that if this ever happen again that would be the end for me and I am STRONG enough to make it through whatever the outcome.  Instead of beating myself up for “putting up” with this.  Because really I am not “putting up” with it. I have made it very clear that this is NOT okay and that I do not deserve to be cheated on and I have told him and SHOWED him the hurt this caused me.  Instead of being disappointed I can think of it as WOW – I am even stronger than I thought to be able to forgive and learn from this experience and move forward.   I hope he and I are able to grow from this as we have both made it clear we want to work things out.  I might have to shift my perspective about why I am staying and not feel like I am betraying myself.

I thought about the the guilt thing too.  She supposedly knew about me and he knew about her husband so I am not sure why else he would have to move my picture if she already knew and didnt care.    So I guess the “guilt” is a better scenerio than him trying to HIDE me.  …  I think…  I hope.    I have ALWAYS said I would never stay if someone cheated on me.  This is the first time I have been in a situation like this and I am trying to get over it.  Now its more about the betrayal and the insecurities it brought out in me. And I am almost “disappointed” in myself for staying because it is against what I always said I would do.  But I guess you never know until you are in a situation.  I have very good intuition so I just have to trust that if this happens again I will find out and I will know what to do.  He can have this “get out of jail free” card for now.  If he is being honest about the situation and the reasoning etc.  Its still hard to think someone was being untrue to me and this is supposed to be my partner.  I guess time will tell if I will truly be able to accept this or not.  Right now I am trying But I have not gotten to the acceptance part of it yet.

mark – you are correct in addressing these issues.  He himself has said that he has a history of sabotaging good things in his life.    We did address the drinking and he said as soon as he starts drinking shots (whiskey in particular) he knows its bad news and has said that he needs to calm down on the drinking, especially shots and especially when I am not around.   I do see progress in this area since the event.   I guess we really didnt discuss the rest (retaliation, him feeling down etc).     Thank you for all of you input and if you have any more please feel free to share!  Thanks!

Mark – His reason was he was drunk…although he admitted he knew what he was doing.  We “philosophized” about the reasons and although we could not pin point one… he did mention he had switched jobs recently and is not making the money he used to and was feelin bad about himself, it was the anniversary of a very bad injury he had (27 years ago) which caused him to lose a limb, he had been looking for a roomate and I told him I would NOT be okay with him having a female roomate and maybe he was retaliating. All of the above were “reasons” why.  We have a great relationship, we have fun, we really dont fight, we have a lot of sex…so I was confused and HEARTBROKEN that this happenEd.  I just want to be able to trust him again.  I do feel like it was an “ego” thing for him…  like “I still go it”.  I dont know.  I would like to think that…maybe?

If he does cheat again he will be loosing one of his most prized possessions….. ME!

Does it sound to you like was a one time thing?  Do his reasons make sense?