new revelation!

we had a long talk yesterday and almost everything i wrote here, almost EVERY work by word, he’s feeling towards me! it was weird, we make each other miserable because he’s moody then i’m moody then he’s moody again, or he’s getting mad and i’m getting mad cause i’ve “learnt” it from him… its a circle, he still said that i’m the problem and i’m not the person he got to meet the first months and maybe it was all pretend.

the same about him run through my mind once or twice! what does it mean? are we literally the same person and this is why we cant get along? are we just hanging on on those first amazing months that we had but didnt get to know each other properly? cause we did move together after just talking on FB and skype for 6 months. it was a shocking revelation to me.

he said he think maybe if i’m like that then purpose to me was a mistake.

anita – i’m excited to get married to him because in some why i cant imagine my life with someone else, i think he’s perfect to me and he was this romantic, caring person (i couldnt until this day found why caused this) i completely felt high and happy, and we had few moments when we laughed and appreciate one another but that mostely happened when we were around people….

i want to fix him cause from reasonable (to me) thoughts, i dont think someone can handle so much of his anger, and “frozen” behavior…. most of the time he’s not what a woman wants or dream to have in a man… i think its mostly he’s english mentality

pearcehawk – i do believe that i am a changed person now when im with him, but its only to suit myself to him or in a way compromising, i know that without him or when he’ll leave his anger issus behind, my spiritual consciousness will grow and i’ll feel more free and open minded, with or without someone with me, but if so, this someone will push me to do it, or believe in me.

but then again – he says all those things about me word by word, so i don’t know what to believe anymore, its not a question who’s roght or who’s wrong, its more, where did we go wrong? where this relationship became a mirror and not beautiful steps to greatness?

i always imagine our future together like a normal funny couple, just without the anger, without the lack of patient he has, without throwing things when he’s madly angry, without us expecting things from one another. but i can imagine it so clearly with him.

i was looking for someone who’s stronger then me, who’s consciousness is like me or even higher so he can lift me and i’m him. here i feel like im the man, i need to support, i need to enlighten him, i need to cuddle him to sleep, i feel like he’s sensitive and fragile and unfortunately i’m breaking him.